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Please watch X-Factor, it’s going to be dead nasty and people will be upset

By Andy Malt | Published on Thursday 16 June 2016

Having brought the ‘classic’ judging line-up back together, the folks over at the still-flagging-in-the-ratings ‘X-Factor’ are now seemingly pushing the ‘and we’re going to be dead nasty to people’ angle once again. Which you’d think would be easy with Sharon Osbourne back on board, though she seems slightly reluctant to take on the role of life-ruiner.

“I don’t want to hurt anyone, but unfortunately the nerves and rejection during the audition process does often cause some tears”, she tells The Sun. Ah, so it’s the nerves and rejection causing all the reported tears at the auditions. “I’m a mum and a grandma, I don’t want to intentionally hurt anyone who comes to audition but sometimes you have to say no”.

Of course, given that most of the people who actually queue up for ‘X-Factor’ auditions are the same people who queue up every year, it’s possible Osbourne recognises a lot of them from her previous stints on the show, which might make it harder to be unpleasant to them. Or maybe not. Perhaps she’s got material from earlier series she can re-use.

Because, according to one of those pesky sources, it is Osbourne providing the ‘ha, look at that deluded fool who’s now crying’ good times that the viewers love.

“Sharon’s showing no mercy this year”, said the source. “She’s had contestants, who have queued up for sixteen hours to audition, in pieces. Some were left so distraught by her comments they refused to do interviews afterwards. She even described one as looking ‘like a little hooker’. It’s safe to say the bitch is back”.

So, something to look forward to there. Guaranteed crying.