Eddy Says

Eddy Says: Wow, you really don’t want to be here do you?

By Eddy Temple-Morris | Published on Monday 5 July 2010

In the early days of ‘Eddy Says’ I wrote a Top Ten Things I Hate list, which, as I recall, went down rather well. It seems that a large dose of negativity from someone normally so positive came as a breath of fresh air.

So, last week I started updating this list with a view to publishing it here in Eddy Says. But just as I was writing about people who put the sign of a fish on the back of their car, it occurred to me that everybody who follows me on www.twitter.com/eddytm knows I hate Muse; in fact it’s become a standing joke. But very people know the reason why, and just assume my vitriol is reckless hatred for no good reason, because I’ve never publicly said why. So here, my friends, is exactly why I hate the band that my pal Alex Metric perfectly describes as “overblown wank”.

In my recent piece about Stuart Cable, I touched on the fact that we produced TV shows from the same building in the noughties. That building was The Pop Factory, in Porth, Rhondda Valleys, south Wales. He did a BBC show called ‘Cable TV’, while I produced and presented a youth magazine programme on ITV1 Wales, called ‘This Way Up’.

In the first show of series one we’d booked Muse, who at the time had established themselves as a hot new band, but had yet to ignite into the stadium-filling act they are today. They were about to release their cover of Nina Simone’s ‘Feeling Good’, which would prove to be their big, breakthrough hit. The show was all about promoting new music, with a few characters from established bands, like Afrika Bambaata or Black Grape, making appearances alongside new, unbroken artists like Bent, Nextmen or Frou Frou. Muse were clearly in between the two points and hungry for exposure to help take them to the next level. You’d think this would make for a good interview? Hmmm.

Because it was the first show and I really wanted it to go well, I hired, for the first time ever, a researcher to help with the interview questions. I’d always done these myself throughout my whole career, but this time I wanted to get the best value out of my guests, so I persuaded The Pop Factory to pay for Robin Bresnark, my favourite writer from the legendary and much missed (and far more enjoyable to read) NME rival, Melody Maker.

Robin was a MASSIVE Muse fan. I mean, he lived for this band. He knew them, had interviewed them a bunch of times, followed their gigs, he was almost part of their team. So Robin furnished me with a load of conversation starters based on information he had up his sleeve. We had lot of random props in the studio, like an old convertible car, in which I did a ‘road trip’ interview (years later and I notice Jo Whiley does one that’s exactly the same, same format, same questions, but on radio). Among the assorted retro items, was one of those old skool fridges.

Robin suggested we fill the fridge with items, each of which would lead to something he knew they’d have plenty to talk about, and we’d pick these things out of the fridge rather than following the usual Q&A interview format. For example, he knew Matt Bellamy had been in trouble with the police back home, so we purchased a small plastic police helmet and popped that in there with the other stuff.

I should explain that, at the time, I was the ‘John Kennedy’ of an Irish radio station and was supporting Muse heavily. I’d played their demo CD before they were signed, and I thought they had massive potential – despite their singer sounding like a spoilt kid having a hissy-fit – and were clearly very accomplished musicians.

They did their several performance takes and sat down in the interview area, where hordes of bands and celebrities would sit in the coming months, and love it or loath it, would ‘play the game’ for the purposes of valuable PR.

Muse loathed it. Matt, I think, took an instant dislike to the format of the interview and his back went up like somebody had stuck a broom up his arse. His body language was twitchy, stressed and impatient. His mind was on something else and he clearly wanted to be somewhere else. The other two stayed silent and stone-faced as Matt answered every single question with either the word ‘yes’ or ‘no’, depending on which of these words killed the conversation more effectively.

Here is a snapshot of that interview:
We take the police hat out of the fridge
ETM: So, Matt, ever been in trouble with the rozzers…?
MB: No.
ETM: [fully aware that there was a good story here] Hang on, are you sure?
MB: Yes.
ETM: [feeling increasingly uncomfortable] Erm, are you absolutely sure about that? Not even a little spot of bother with a local bobby in Teignmouth?
MB: No.
ETM: Wow, you really don’t want to be here do you?
MB: No.

I had, up to that point, interviewed some difficult people, but there was usually always a sense of professionalism, a feeling of acceptance that we’d both rather not be in this awkward situation but we’re ‘playing the game’ for our mutual benefit. Bell(end)amy, had no such sense of propriety. He just ruined the interview, and, I sensed, rather enjoyed ruining his bit and the while opening show of a new series on ITV.

It turned out he wanted to get back to London to see Soulwax. Ironically, they were my pals whom I’d seen blow Muse off stage, as their support band, at University Of London Union.

The most horrid, nastiest piece of work I’d ever met up to that point was Marti Pellow from Wet Wet Wet, who were in their death throes when I had to work with him at Radio One. Marti was, on the surface of things, even worse and actually attacked me verbally with a long stream of abuse. But when I think back, at least he had an excuse. It’s a pretty shit excuse, one that is, in a sense, inexcusable – he was a heroin addict at the time. Yes, I know it’s a lame excuse but nevertheless there is a chance he would not have acted like such a cunt if he’d been straight and clean at the time. Matt had no such excuse. He was a cunt, pure and simple: no smack, no coke, he was just a pure, unadulterated, total and utter cunt, with no strings attached.

His best efforts to knobble the show came to nothing, as the series as a whole rated as high as ‘Eastenders’, the biggest audience share that ITV had ever seen for a ‘youth/music show’.

Sometime afterwards, I covered for Zane Lowe on his MTV show ‘Gonzo’. One of the videos played was by Muse, and I, in my usual overly honest way, told Zane’s audience how my TV interview with Muse had gone so tits up, and how Matt was so horrid that I’d gone home afterwards and thrown out all my Muse CDs, including their demo and first single. Basically, I went on a bit of a rant, a vehemently anti-Muse rant.

The show was not live, like my old MTV show was. It was what they called a ‘links and clips show’ – we recorded links, then they inserted the music video clips later. But in a gorgeous twist of fate, some probably coked-up idiot at MTV (and my god there were a lot of them to choose from) played out that ONE link about Muse in between every single music video on the entire show.

Picture it: Muse video. Eddy rants about Muse. Beastie Boys video. Same Eddy rant about Muse. Oasis video. Same Muse tirade etc etc ad nauseam.

I remember being at Xfm shortly after this MTV cock up, and seeing Muse at the end of the corridor. Bellendamy was about to walk towards the lift, clocked me, turned around and walked in the polar opposite direction as fast as his little legs could carry him.

Since they were ruined for me by that interview, they’ve done nothing, musically, to make me rue my decision to abandon them totally. I think Alex Metric’s description is poetic. Matt’s histrionics, combined with that awful, overblown, post-Queen tribute band thing have only served to make me hate them more. They are The Darkness, minus self awareness.

Back to Alex Metric again, for the parting shot, and his last marvellous tweet on the subject: “Muse? Fucking Muse?! Stop shitting in my ear Bellamy, you knob”. Couldn’t have put it better myself.
Eddy xx

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