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Baby Shark NFTs arrive just in time for Christmas

By | Published on Wednesday 1 December 2021

Baby Shark / Pinkfong

Over the last year, the world has got pretty good at separating idiots from their money by selling them non-fungible tokens. But this can’t last forever. There aren’t enough idiots.

Or are there? Who are the biggest idiots? That’s right… kids. Absolute idiots. They don’t enjoy films with subtitles, can’t cook a good stroganoff and like stupid shit like Baby Shark. Absolute dummies. Surely that’s where the NFT market needs to go next.

And so, it has come to pass, that on 2 Dec 2021 (aka tomorrow) the first collection of Baby Shark NFTs will be launched. There will be one unique and five limited edition looping animations based on holographic trading cards available. And don’t worry, “each piece is accompanied by audio that references the genre-defining song and its iconic vocal”. What an absolute joy.

This is all being done via a partnership between the owner of Baby Shark and Pinkfong – SmartStudy – and Sony’s Relentless Records, which has handled Pinkfong’s recordings catalogue since 2018.

“We are excited to finally reveal Baby Shark’s first NFT collection”, says Bin Jeong, CEO of Pinkfong USA. “This marks the beginning of our venture into the world of NFT, an important next chapter of Baby Shark’s journey. As a sensation born on the internet, it is a natural progression for Baby Shark to embrace NFTs and we are THRILLED to share the experience with the community”.

Dannie Chu, CEO of the NFT market that will host all this stupid shit, MakersPlace, adds: “Over the last year we have seen strong demand from our community for music-inspired NFTs. We want to expand our offerings in this space by providing the platform, tools and curatorial support to help bring great audio-visual works to life on the blockchain. We are THRILLED to partner with Pinkfong to bring the world of Baby Shark to the digital arts space”.

I feel a bit bad about what I said about the kids earlier. It’s not really fair to call them stupid. They’re just kids. And obviously this whole thing isn’t really aimed at kids anyway. It’s still aimed at fully grown idiots. Fully grown idiots who want to buy some Baby Shark related stuff and have a whole load of cryptocurrency they don’t know what to do with. Actually, with the timing of this, I can’t help feeling that there are going to be some disappointed children this Christmas.

Parent: Hey, do you want to see what I got you for Christmas?

Kid: Yeah! Is it a cool toy I can play with?!

Parent: No, even cooler!

Kid: Wow! A new bike? Or a skateboard? Or a trampoline?

Parent: No, look, I got you this short animation.

Kid: Oh.

Parent: It’s Baby Shark! You love Baby Shark!

Kid: I liked it when I was in nursery. But that was a long time ago.

Parent: But this is an exclusive thing. We own it. I got it especially for you from the people who made Baby Shark.

Kid: So only we can see it?

Parent: No, anyone can see it. But only we have a certificate saying that we own it.

Kid: So we can stop other people from seeing it?

Parent: No, it’s on a big computer somewhere that we don’t own.

Kid: You’re a fucking idiot. I’m going to make my famously excellent stroganoff and watch a French film.

That is an actual conversation that is going to happen this Christmas. And that’s involving the parent who buys the “unique” NFT. Imagine how it will go for the parents that have to explain that they only bought a share of one of the other five Baby Shark NFTs. Is that how you want Christmas to turn out? Is it? Why do you want to ruin Christmas? Why do you always do shit like this?

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