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BBC unveils UK’s annual Eurovision contender shitshow

By | Published on Thursday 25 January 2018

Eurovision Song Contest

The BBC has put forward six possible acts to represent the UK at Eurovision later this year. The British public will be forced to choose from the disappointing bunch during the broadcast of ‘Eurovision: You Decide’ next month.

The six songs this year all represent different genres and are all performed by artists who remind you a bit of someone better and more famous. I think we can be fairly confident of a bottom five placing in the big contest this year, even ignoring the fact that the rest of Europe already considers us bell-ends.

Performing for your utter displeasure this year are Asanda, Goldstone, Jaz Ellington, Liam Tamne, Raya and Surie. Don’t bother remembering their names, there’s no point. If you really want, you can check them all out here, but I already have and I don’t think you should have to suffer it too.

‘Eurovision: You Decide’ will be broadcast live from the Brighton Dome on BBC Two at 7.30pm on 7 Feb. Surely someone reading this must have some sort of influence to make this whole sorry situation better.