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BRIT Awards presented, broadcast and streamed

By | Published on Thursday 21 February 2019

So, last year CMU Editor Andy Malt controversially broke the long tradition of CMU publishing nonsense-filled write-ups of the UK record industry’s biggest night of orchestrated back-slapping and actually watched the 2018 BRIT Awards from beginning to end. And then he documented it in his subsequent report. Having raised the bar, he then booked BRITS Week 2019 off, leaving someone else to rise to the challenge.

What to do, what to do, what to do? See, I wasn’t in London last night. And I wasn’t anywhere near a telly either. How was I meant to monitor what occurred under that Millennium Dome of ours as the big BRITs bash went through its various magnificent motions? Oh, hang on, didn’t I get a press release about all the exciting “social activations” happening as part of the BRITs this year? And didn’t that talk about there being a very official live stream of the proceedings on YouTube?

Yay, hurrah for YouTube! I have a phone. I have a wifi connection. The BRITs will come to my hand courtesy of the good guys at Google. And so, I picked up my phone, connected to the wifi, opened up the YouTube app, closed the tab telling me that article thirteen is going to kill the internet and that the fucking music industry can just fuck off with its fucking moaning and all of its fucking fucked up fuck fuck, and there it was: the official BRIT Awards stream.

Glorious! I duly tapped play. The stream began streaming. Here it was, the show was about to begin. Though, hang on just one moment, article thirteen, what’s that about again? Isn’t that about fucking YouTube fucking up the fucking streaming revolution for everyone? I remember now. Save music! Down with Google’s lies! Stand up to big tech bulling! YouTube can just fuck off with its fucking moaning and all of its fucking fucked up fuck fuck.

With the music community’s bold chanting now echoing around my head once more – and having left by cognitive dissonance pills back home – I soon found myself in a ferocious rage and promptly threw my phone out the window.

So I’m really sorry, I have no idea what happened at the BRIT Awards last night. I’m sure some singers sang their songs. And I’m sure they sang them real good. I’m sure there were speeches. And I’m sure the speeches were spoken real good. And host Jack Whitehall, I’m sure, was suitably irritating each time he took to the stage.

I did hear on the grapevine that Bros were in the tent. I assume they were picking up some kind of icon award and then wrapped up the show with a six hour greatest hits set that forced ITV to cancel the news.

And there must have been some winners. I thought really hard before submitting my BRIT votes this year, so there better have been some winners. Actually, I know there were some winners. I have the official winners list and everything. Though there’s no mention of Bros’s icon award, so I’m slightly suspicious. But this is what I have…

British Male Solo Artist: George Ezra
British Female Solo Artist: Jorja Smith
British Group: The 1975
British Breakthrough Act: Tom Walker
Best British Producer: Calvin Harris
Critics’ Choice: Sam Fender
BRITs Global Success Award: Ed Sheeran

International Male Solo Artist: Drake
International Female Solo Artist: Ariana Grande
International Group: The Carters

British Single: Calvin Harris & Dua Lipa – One Kiss
British Album of The Year: The 1975 – A Brief Inquiry into Online Relationships
British Video Award: Little Mix ft Nicki Minaj – Woman Like Me

Outstanding Contribution to Music: P!nk