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CMU Beef Of The Week #198: Holby City v Perrie Edwards

By Andy Malt | Published on Friday 14 March 2014

If you tuned into BBC One to watch hospital drama ‘Holby City’ this week, I’d imagine you were both shocked and stunned by a line of dialogue in it. You may not even have recovered yet, in which case I’d stop reading now, because I’m going to repeat it here shortly.

One of the storylines in the programme this week was about a One Direction fan who had been admitted to hospital after fainting at a signing session by the band. It then turned out that she had an infected tattoo of all five 1D members’ faces on her back. But that was not the shocking thing. No.

Asked by a nurse which of the group was her favourite, she identified Zayn as the one for her. Of course, there’s one problem with being in love with Zayn, and that’s his engagement to Little Mix’s Perrie Edwards. It’s OK though, said the girl: “I’ve got it all worked out, all I have to do is track down Perrie Edwards, cut off her head with a rusty chainsaw, marry Zayn and have all his babies”.

All his babies, mind. Not just some of them. But that wasn’t the bit people were shocked and stunned by. They were shocked and stunned by the bit where she said she was going to behead Edwards with a rusty chainsaw.

And you can see why – chainsaws are high maintenance tools, which require regular oiling to ensure that the chain can move freely and efficiently. If you leave it to rust, it could jam and then where would you be? Potentially left chasing around a half decapitated popstar, who would quite possibly have contracted tetanus in the process. The mess, plus the risk of infection yourself just isn’t worth it.

Also, all this talk of fan-initiated beheadings of 1D-WAGs is a very poor representation of One Direction’s famously mild-mannered fanbase.

But most of all… most of all… it’s not a very nice thing to wish on someone, even if it’s only pretend. Or so seems to be the collective opinion of Little Mix fans, who have this week been campaigning for the BBC to apologise. They’ve got a hashtag and everything.

The BBC also confirmed earlier this week that it had received around 30 formal complaints, though this didn’t prompt an apology from the organisation, a spokesperson saying: “The line referencing Perrie Edwards was made to emphasise the character Kayleigh’s devotion to One Direction. It was absolutely not intended to be taken seriously and clearly in the context is not intended to cause offence”.

But it did cause offence. At least to fans of Perrie Edwards. And Edwards’ mum, Deborah, who tweeted during the ‘Holby City’ broadcast: “Anyone watching ‘Holby City’??? Really upset.com”.

I think the .com really gets across just how upsetting she found it. Though this does mean that she joins Tom Odell’s dad and Chris Brown’s mum in the prestigious list of angry parents who have appeared in the CMU Beef Of The Week column, so at least some good has come of all this.

Meanwhile, in accidentally related news, in an interview with OK! Magazine published this week, Little Mix addressed the thorny issue of One Direction fans who hate Perrie Edwards (specifically because, apparently, lots of them think her skin is too pale).

“I’m an English Rose, thank you very much”, said Edwards. “I’m not going to dye my skin orange. I’m working too hard taking America by storm to fake tan”.

Oh, la-di-dah. I’m amazed with all the storming you’re doing in the US of States you even have time to address such issues, Perrie. Her bandmate Jesy Nelson then chipped in: “Can I just say, all the people hating are just stupid little Zayn Malik fans. They’re hating because they want to be with Zayn”.

And that’s just the kind of comment that leads to this sort of thing: