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And Finally Artist News Beef Of The Week
CMU Beef Of The Week #199: Eliza Doolittle v Jesus
By Andy Malt | Published on Friday 21 March 2014
There’s been ever such a lot of blasphemy in this column since the start of the year. Justin Bieber was a naughty boy, despite everyone praying for him. Katy Perry was zapping people who were wearing pendants bearing the name of Allah. And now Eliza Doolittle has shunned Jesus altogether.
Oh, it was so controversial. I know this because The Daily Mail told me so. Doolittle went on Chris Evans’ Radio 2 show to sing her song ‘Walking On Water’, but when she got to the first line of the chorus, she sang some different words from the actual released track. I know, I can hardly believe it myself.
Instead of ‘Sometimes I wish I was Jesus, I’d get my Air Max on and run across the sea for you”, she sang, “Sometimes I wish it was easy to get my Air Max on and run across the sea for you”.
And it turned out that the change wasn’t Doolittle’s idea at all, and she was just doing what she was told. “It was weird because I’m not being blasphemous [in that song]”, said the singer. “I just meant, ‘I wish I could run across water and see you’, but maybe wishing for the power of God was blasphemous enough for them. I think people are a bit touchy, but it’s not a big deal. I don’t take that stuff seriously”.
It’s not explicit who the “them” is in that quote. But luckily the Mail was pretty sure and therefore spent most of its article saying that it was clearly the BBC.
I’m sure the paper did this for clarity, and not as part of any ongoing agenda against the broadcaster. Though to be fair to the Mail (I know, I know, who would be?), Evans did seem to confirm that it was indeed his employer who hated hearing any mention of Jesus, being quoted thus: “Lyrics and the Beeb have always bamboozled me. We often play Lou Reed’s ‘Walk On The Wild Side’. Check out the lyrics in that song”.
With the BBC’s anti-God card now clearly having been played, the Mail got on the phone to former Archbishop Of Canterbury George Carey for his take. He told the paper: “I am totally appalled. I’m not surprised the BBC is behind this because their attitude tends to be to dumb down the Christian message. I am sorry the lady agreed to this because the sense of the song is lost. Walking on water and Jesus go together”.
I’m not sure the Mail properly explained to the poor old bish what had actually happened here, because the original lyric wasn’t exactly the most credible explanation of the Christian message. Also, you can’t really label cutting out any mention of something in its entirely as “watering it down”. And is he actually saying that the true Christian message is one embellished with product placement? I guess we’ll never know.
Last on the Mail’s list of people to speak to was the BBC itself. Having been forced into a corner with no way out but to explain the broadcaster’s hatred of all Christians, a spokesperson whimpered: “We never ask any artist to change the lyrics to their songs. It’s the decision of the record company and the artist. We have clear editorial guidelines in place to deal with religious or contentious issues and to avoid causing offence to our audiences regardless of their faith”.
Oh yeah, blame the record company. Do they not realise that the Mail had already definitely confirmed that this was all down to the BBC by guessing the identity of a third person pronoun?
The Telegraph also picked up on this story, also writing very much from the angle that the Beeb was to blame and was clearly on a mission to remove all religion from the airwaves, one tenuous song lyric at a time. That paper also sought out an explanation from the BBC, which came thus: “We don’t know how this misunderstanding occurred as it is the record company and artist’s decision to change lyrics to their songs”.
It is confusing, isn’t it? It’s almost as if a couple of national newspapers deliberately misunderstood the situation in order to manufacture some controversy. Which is, as you know, the basic teaching of Jesus. Anyway, the Mail’s now moved on to another BBC scandal: allowing non-white people to talk about science.
For reference, here’s the video for ‘Walking On Water’, which features multiple mentions of Jesus, a lot of water, and two people completely failing to walk on it:
