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CMU Beef Of The Week #333: Justin Bieber v True ‘Affectionate Fan Wants To Touch His Idol’ Style

By | Published on Friday 25 November 2016

Justin Bieber

This week, Justin Bieber punched a fan in the face. Which isn’t a very nice thing to do. It’s especially disappointing given that Justin Bieber is supposed to be the world’s nicest man now. I know we all have our moments, but you wouldn’t think that being the world’s nicest man would be something you’d forget, even for a split second. It’s almost as if Bieber’s ‘world’s nicest man’ status is something I made it up as the result of a bizarre cycle of one-upping myself and he has no idea about it.

Anyway, the singer was being driven to a show in Barcelona, when a fan reached into the open window of the popstar’s vehicle, and Bieber responded with a sharp punch to the guy’s face, leaving both the fan and his friends unsure how to react. Let’s stop and have a watch of the video now.

The fan, Kevin Ramirez, was left with a bloody lip and a weird mix of apparent pride and anger. And has now suggested that he will sue the popstar over the incident.

“This matter is now in the hands of lawyers. They will deal with it”, he said in an interview on Spanish radio. “I can’t give out any more information at the moment”.

Although he did give out a blow-by-blow account of the incident.

“I didn’t think for one moment Justin was going to punch me”, he said. “He had been in the airport the day before talking with fans and I assumed he was happy to get close to us”.

Yeah, fair enough. If Bieber’s going to drive around near a venue with his face just there for all to see, you kind of have to assume he’s open to a cheery “hello” and maybe even a handshake.

“When I saw him I took the opportunity to put my hand through his car window and touch his shoulder and face in true ‘affectionate fan wants to touch his idol’ style”, Ramirez continued. “His car had stopped before he went by and…”

Woah, woah, woah. You took “the opportunity to touch his shoulder and face”? I don’t know how they do things in Barcelona, Sonny Jim, but where I come from you don’t reach into cars to touch people’s shoulders and faces without asking first. That’s just common courtesy. As I’m sure Bieber would have told you if he hadn’t been quite so busy punching you in the face.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a violent person, and I certainly don’t condone punching anyone in the face. However, if someone reached into a car and tried to touch me, I think I’d probably have a kneejerk reaction of the negative kind. And I’m not Justin Bieber. I’m not the nicest man in the world. I’ve come to accept that now.

And since when is “‘affectionate fan wants to touch his idol’ style” a defence? Oh sure Officer, I did push Brian May’s entire nose into my mouth, but it was simply done in an ‘affectionate fan wants to touch his idol’ style.

Alright, Brian May isn’t really my idol, but I think the point stands. Don’t go around touching people without asking. Stick to the time honoured tradition of holding out your hand and hoping that your musician of choice slaps it and whoops. It’s stood the test of time perfectly well. And ignoring these rules is exactly how things like that Danny Brown blow job situation arose.

Oh, sorry Kevin, you were saying? “His car had stopped before he went by and he had seen us. He knew there were no barriers and he knew we were going to go up to him. He could have brushed my hand away, anything apart from such an aggressive punch. I was left in a state of total shock. I couldn’t believe what he did. I liked Justin but I come first. He doesn’t appear to like his fans now”.

Kevin Ramirez seems like a right entitled arsehole, doesn’t he? Alright, alright, alright, that’s a totally unfair accusation to throw at an ordinary teenage boy, who has come into the public eye totally unexpectedly. Especially when the interview I’m quoting has been translated from another language. Perhaps the whole explanation makes perfect sense in its original Spanish.

I should really should take a leaf out of the book of Nice Guy Bieber. Except, of course, he’s apparently punching people in the face now, so I don’t know what to think.



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