And Finally Artist News Media Releases

Hilarious headline along the lines of ‘God Only Knows this isn’t A Perfect Day’

By | Published on Wednesday 8 October 2014

BBC God Only Knows

Remember that time the BBC got together a big fat bunch of marvellous music stars (and Elton John) and had them cover Lou Reed’s ‘Perfect Day’, mainly to remind us all how cool and nifty and worthy of our licence fee the BBC was, but then they sold it to normal people in aid Children In Need? I was kinda fond of that cover, and I don’t care who knows it. I especially liked the bit at the end when the gospel choir went “reap, reap, reap, reap, reap, reap, reap”.

But here’s a thing, while I always assumed that project was a massive success, seemingly it was not, because it turns out there are still some children in need. So the BBC is having another go, and to that end has got together a big fat bunch of modern marvellous music stars (and Elton John) to have a go at covering The Beach Boys’ ‘God Only Knows’.

It’s not as good as ‘Perfect Day’, of course, but that’s because modern pop music always forgets the sax solo. Why does modern pop music always forget the sax solo? Bring back the sax solo pop music. I mean, I could almost (almost) stand two minutes of Justin Bieber’s insipid off-key auto-tuned-to-fuck vocals if there was the promise of a 23 second sax solo.

Anyway, where was I?

Oh yes, so the Beeb has got together the very best, and the very greatest, basically all the most wonderful music stars of today. Well, mainly those signed to major record companies. Because I mean, maybe a folk artist, and maybe one – just one mind – world music star, but you don’t really want to sully your plush pop music project by letting in musicians signed to indie labels do you?

Artists signed to British-owned record companies singing on a song for the British Broadcasting Corporation? What a nonsense! And all you moaning indie labels, you can fuck right off to shitsville. Not my words by the way, but those of BBC Director General Tony Hall. Well, technically they are my words. But his sentiment, I reckon.

Anyway, where was I?

Oh yes, the BBC has put out an all-star version of ‘God Only Knows’. Mainly to say “remember that BBC Music thing we launched earlier this year which is definitely more than a web page, well, yeah, we’re still doing that, so make sure you pay your licence fee, I mean, filming this nonsense didn’t come cheap”. And partly also to raise money for Children In Need, which will make its annual trip into all our lives very soon, just like winter flu.

Opinion is divided on the outcome, so – careful as we always are to never offend anyone – feel free to delete as applicable: “Wowsers, what a magical work of musical art!” / “Well, that’s a bit mediocre isn’t it?”/ “Oh my Lordy Lord, what a big pile of tedious shite that turned out to be, Brian Wilson must be spinning in his grave, and he’s not even dead yet”.

Want to hear it? Want to see it? Want to absorb the magic? Want to confirm your very worst fears? Well, do so. But don’t be expecting any sax solo. And you’ll have to add your own reap-reaps at the end. Though, as BBC founder Lord Reith once said, “fuckin hell, it’s Emeli Sandé!”



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