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Justin Bieber was always the greatest living human. May be the messiah.

By | Published on Tuesday 29 September 2015

Justin Bieber

We all know that now – with his wild days behind him – Justin Bieber is the greatest living human. Perhaps the greatest who has ever lived. I mean, what a guy. What a great guy. But it’s a little known fact that, back in those days when it looked like he was being a monumental arsehole, it was all just a big misunderstanding.

Partly, he says in a new interview with Complex, the trouble was his perception of the people around him. “There are awesome people who are the lovely, amazing, joyful kind”, he explains. “But I only saw people who are shitty and were taking advantage of me. When you have that perspective, the way you act changes. I was basically like, ‘fuck everybody’. Then I started doing my own thing. I got into a little bit of trouble – nothing that other 20 year olds don’t get into – just rebelling a little bit. Now, being 21, I’m coming into my own and [am] around some pretty cool people who are not afraid to tell me what’s real”.

“Nothing that other 20 year olds don’t get into?” you might scoff. What about the drug-fuelled drag racing? Never happened. “The police, they just wanted press; they wanted attention. I never was speeding; I never was drag racing”, he insists. “The cop supposedly wanted to be famous for arresting celebrities, and someone had heard him say that prior to that. I wasn’t drinking … I was just like, ‘Oh they’re trying to get me right now at any cost'”.

Well, that’s that cleared up then. Of course, Bieber was convicted of various charges levelled at him that night. But he reached a plea deal, which I think is like when you just say you did something for an easy life and a less damaging criminal record.

Anyway, that’s one thing he didn’t do. What about that thing where he pissed in a bucket? Well, he did that, but it wasn’t because he was being naughty. “Honestly, I think the pissing in the bucket wasn’t as big as people made it seem. Just because, dude, think about it. Imagine, you hear that fucking Ozzy Osbourne pisses backstage. Immediately, ‘Oh, he’s a freaking rock star!’ As soon as I do it, ‘He’s being a brat'”.

And if you still insist on saying that pissing in a cleaner’s bucket seems a bit bratty, well Bieber says this: “Dude, what is bratty about pissing in a bucket? I had to go piss – we all have to pee. The bathroom was like on the other side, and the dude in the club was like, ‘Just pee here’. He told me I could and it wasn’t like I was being disrespectful. I feel like that was pretty ostracising – bigger than it should’ve been”.

He was told to pee in that bucket. What was he supposed to do? Not pee in the bucket? Come on. Live in the real world for a second.

For the latter part of the interview, and pretty much apropos of nothing, talk turns to Bieber’s faith in God and how that has helped him to better present himself as the great guy he really is. He’s not saying he is Jesus, I should add. “I just wanna honestly live like Jesus”, he said. “Not be Jesus”.

However, he notes some glaring parallels between their lives: “Sometimes when I don’t feel like doing something, but I know it’s right, I remember, I’m pretty sure Jesus didn’t feel like going to the cross and dying so that we don’t have to feel what we should have to feel”.

“I feel invincible like, nothing is bigger than God”, he enthuses further. “If God’s for me, who can be against me? That’s helped me in a lot of situations where I feel judged. It gives you confidence and you can carry yourself in a cool way, but it’s not cocky. It’s a confidence that’s a godly confidence. That’s what I always want. I wanna be loved for being a good dude and for being confident in myself because I know who I am and what I carry and what I sacrifice”.

Bieber then lays down some insight into his views on Christianity. Not that he is Jesus, remember. He’s just a guy with some views. Like, on how science might seem convincing with its big bang theory of the creation of the universe, but did you ever think of it like this? “Imagine putting a bunch of gold into a box, shaking up the box, and out comes a Rolex. It’s so preposterous once people start saying it”.

Preposterous. Of course, scientists might tell you that – with all the time and space possessed by this universe – anything, including both that and the creation of human life, is possible. But what do scientists know?

Beyond creation, other divine revelations provided by the Biebster include that “You don’t need to go to church to be a Christian … If you go to Taco Bell, that doesn’t make you a taco”. Truly, this interview is a sermon on the mount for our times. Go forth and read it in full here.

In other Jesus Bieber news, the singer recently told fans that they should do unto him as they would have other people do unto them.