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And Finally Artist News
Kelis’ milkshake lie finally unearthed
By Andy Malt | Published on Tuesday 24 May 2016
Kelis once claimed that her “milkshakes” had the power to bring “all” of the “boys” to the “yard”. Now, what constitutes “all” in this statement is something that could be debated until the end of time. But it should not be, because it turns out that Kelis may never have even made one milkshake, let alone milkshakes plural.
“I don’t think I’ve ever made a milkshake”, she admitted to the Guardian. “I made a smoothie the other day that was really good – protein powder, spinach, orange, and crushed ice with a little bit of honey and coconut water. I’ll make you a Kelis smoothie next time you come over”.
Too fucking late, Kelis. Don’t try to fob us off with your “smoothies”, whatever that’s supposed to mean. This is big. This is earth-shattering. I wouldn’t be surprised if it now turned out that Kelis doesn’t even own a yard. Or if she does – or did – that it wouldn’t even be of a size to comfortably accommodate anything like all of the boys.
I should probably state at this stage that I have entirely forgotten what is and isn’t a metaphor in any of this. That is how much Kelis’s web of lies has affected me.