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Kylie Minogue set to confuse you on your train journey tomorrow

By | Published on Thursday 27 September 2018

Kylie Minogue / BBC Music Day

I’m sure you don’t need reminding that it’s BBC Music Day tomorrow. And I’m absolutely certain you don’t need to be told that Kylie Minogue is one of its ambassadors. You remembered all that, right? So it seems entirely redundant that she’ll be informing you of both those things at train stations around the country.

Minogue’s voice will be heard throughout Friday at Birmingham, Bristol, Euston, Glasgow Central, Kings Cross, Leeds, London Liverpool Street, London Bridge, London Victoria, London Waterloo, Manchester and Reading railway stations.

Among the things she’ll be saying is this: “Hi, it’s me Kylie. I know what you’re thinking; ‘Why is Kylie doing the announcements?’ It’s because it’s BBC Music Day… so I can! Have a great weekend, everyone! Happy BBC Music Day!”

That’s really not going to help you catch the right train. If you’re late for work tomorrow, you know who to blame. Oh, and just to put your mind at ease, another of the announcements does contain an incredibly laboured set-up in order to crowbar in the phrase “do the locomotion”. Sort of like that sentence I just wrote, but worse.

Manchester Metrolink tram users getting all shirty about train passengers enjoying all the BBC Music Day treats can just bloody well calm down. Lisa Stansfield’s got you covered. Equally as contrived, her announcements are at least a bit more helpful.

“Hi this is your guest announcer Lisa Stansfield here for BBC Music Day”, goes one. “I’ve been around the world, but I, I, I, could always find my ticket. So make sure you’ve got yours before you get on board. Happy BBC Music Day!”

In another, she’ll say: “Hey Manchester, Lisa Stansfield here for BBC Music Day! Remember when the tram’s in motion, people hold on!”

As well as this, the British transport system will be further impeded by performances from various acts in stations – and Manchester Airport – at various points during the day.

I assume there’s stuff happening on BBC TV and radio stations too, but I’ve invested too much time in this train thing now for it to be worthwhile finding out. Oh no, there’s that special edition of ‘Bargain Hunt’, isn’t there? What larks!