And Finally Artist News

Liam Gallagher denies pooing in pensioner’s bath

By | Published on Monday 5 March 2018

Liam Gallagher

Noel and Liam Gallagher have both commented on accusations that one of them did a poo in a couple’s bath while robbing their house in 1989. The claim was published in yesterday’s Sunday Sport and seems largely based on the fact that the burglary happened in Manchester.

Actually, it’s not just that it was in Manchester. Gladys Tomlinson says that the thought that the Gallaghers might have been responsible for the 1989 break-in at her home was linked to Richard Madeley’s recent claims that the Oasis siblings once burgled his family’s house too. In Manchester.

Madeley recently discussed Liam Gallagher’s Godlike Genius win at the NME Awards on ITV’s ‘This Morning’, saying: “Him and his brother used to live quite close to us when we used to live in Manchester. They admitted in the early stages of their career they did a little bit of robbery, a little bit of burglary, and we think they did our house”.

The presenter added that he’d later had his suspicions confirmed by the musicians: “I spoke to them about it, and we spoke about it, it was many years ago and they’ve probably forgotten about it now and they said, ‘Yeah I think we did that one yeah, I think we did that one, went in through the window yeah'”.

Having ruminated on this for a couple of weeks, Tomlinson went to the Sport to tell her story. “The dirty little bastards had done a shit in the bath”, she remembers, of returning home to find her house ransacked 30 years ago. “Stealing my knick-knacks and video is one thing. But shitting in the bath? That was beyond the pale”.

She says her memory was triggered when she heard Madeley’s story, explaining: “We lived a couple of streets from that pair of buggers. Pound to a penny it was one of them that shat in the old bath. Looking back, if I’d known it was an Oasis shit, I could have kept it. It would probably worth a fortune on eBay right now”.

Of course, if you wanted to sell a dried up piece of bodily waste as music memorabilia on eBay, you’d need confirmation of its authenticity. That’s something I’m afraid Liam Gallagher is not going to provide.

“For the record, I never robbed Richard n Judy’s [house] and I didn’t do a shit in Gladys’s bath”, he tweeted this morning. Which has to be one of the all time great tweets.

That just leaves Noel, who was a bit more forthcoming with information. “It’s a fair cop, guv”, he wrote on Instagram. “We thought it was Richard Madeley’s gaff. Soz Gladys. No offence”.

So there you have it, the necessary validation. But sadly, as Gladys says, the poo is long gone. “Our Colin – God rest his soul – fished it out of the bath with the net he used for his aquarium and flushed it down the bog”.

Those poor fish.