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Madonna releases thing that is clearly a face massager and not a sex toy

By | Published on Thursday 11 October 2018

MDNA Skin facial roller

Madonna has brought out a new device. A device which people are mistaking for a sex toy. Even though quite clearly it is a $200 face massager. It’s like all you people haven’t see a $200 face massager before.

To be fair, she hasn’t exactly been forthcoming about what it is. A post on her Instagram page buries the words “carbon facial roller” right at the end of the caption, in a sea of emojis and phrases like “the first of its kind” and “infrared heat!”

You might still be wondering what a facial roller even is. Well, you know those things you sometimes get in boxes of toiletries at Christmas? You know, the wooden things with balls on. You know, the ones you roll along your leg a couple of times, then cast aside and occasionally find lying around the house for the next six years before you eventually throw them away? Yeah, well it turns out that’s what those are.

Madonna’s luxury one is being sold under her MDNA Skin brand. And if you go over to the Instagram page for that, I think it will pretty quickly become obvious that it’s not a sex toy. She really clears things up with posts like this, and this, and this, and this, and this, and this, and this, and this, and this, and this, and definitely this.

Anyway, just to confirm, it is like those things you sometimes get at Christmas – and no other time of year – that you don’t want. Except it costs $200.