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Niall Horan launches golf management company, whatever that means

By | Published on Monday 16 May 2016

Niall Horan

We all speculated about what the members of One Direction might do on their hiatus-that-is-definitely-not-a-split, didn’t we? Will they do some singing? Will they do some songwriting? Will they have a TV show? Those were the unimaginative things we all thought. Not one of you said, “I wonder if Niall will go into golf management now”. Not one of you. And that’s why this industry is fucked.

Horan’s plans to open Modest! Golf Management, a partnership with Modest! Management, which managed all of One Direction’s singing and that, were actually revealed by The Sun earlier this year. But what does that even mean? Well, I am reliably informed that the company is “the 2016 official golf management partner for the Northern Ireland Open at Galgorm Castle Golf Club this July”. Nope, still not getting it.

“The next generation of golfers is a huge focus for us as a business”, says Horan, attempting to put it in simpler terms. “You only need to look at the history of the Challenge Tour to see the calibre of player it produces. We are hugely excited to be official partners to the NI Open and welcome some amazing golf talent from across the world to participate”.

Ah, I almost thought I had it there. Maybe co-director Mark McDonnell could have a go: “Modest! Golf are delighted to be working with the Challenge Tour and Galgorm on this event. We are excited to come to Northern Ireland; a country that continues to produce some of the best players in the world”.

Well that’s a worse explanation, if anything. Alright Mark, just tell us why you and Niall have hired Ian Watts as the head of your golf development division and we’ll wrap this thing up: “Ian boasts over 20 years experience in the golf industry dealing with some of the world’s best players on a daily basis. We are delighted he has decided to join the team”.

I’d ask what a ‘golf development division’ is, but based on this story so far, I’m not sure there’s much point. All you need to know is that Niall Horan is now the Simon Cowell of golf. Or something.