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Signs the vinyl revival has gone too far #682: Oreo cookie turntable

By | Published on Wednesday 21 November 2018

Oreo Music Box

What do you get the vinyl lover in your life for Christmas? Some vinyl? No, how would you even know what specific records to get them? They’ve probably already got the latest Ed Sheeran release anyway. Biscuits though, everyone likes biscuits. And now you can play Oreos on a miniature record player, just like you always wanted.

The Oreo Music Box has been put on sale in the US, just in time for the festive season. It looks like a tiny record player with a turntable just big enough for an Oreo. You move a little tonearm over the cookie, press play and it plays a tune.

What next? Well, with that done, you eat the cookie. But wait! If you return it to the turntable after taking a bite, it will play a different tune. How does this work? I don’t know, I would assume some form of black magic or other generalised sorcery. What’s more, you can record your own message to appear to play out of your biscuit. Something along the lines of, “Why the fuck does this exist?”

This contraption originally launched in China last year, where there was also some sort of augmented reality smartphone app involved. That doesn’t appear to be available with the US version, China apparently having misjudged how long anyone would actually play with this thing for.

When it was launched in May 2017, President of the Chinese branch of Oreo maker Mondelez, Stephen Maher, said that the product was “in keeping with the popular trend of playing games”, adding: “The launch of the Oreo Music Box is the beginning for us to convey our whimsical love of life to all the people who share in our passion”.

It’s fine if you just want to get me socks.