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Simon Cowell finally comments on ‘X-Factor’ New Zealand debacle

By Chris Cooke | Published on Tuesday 7 April 2015

Finally! Well, it had to happen eventually. No walls, no doors, no security men of steel could prevent this inevitable eventuality from occurring. I knew it was going to happen. You knew it was going to happen. We all knew it was going to happen. Every single person. And not just every single person living today. But every single person who ever existed.

So yes, Simon Cowell has finally – fiiiiiiiiiiinaaaaaaaaallllly – got his arse into gear and commented on the outrage of the year, the offence of the decade, the scandal of the millennium, the horror of all pop history, an incident so immense that VH1 will have to make an entire Top 50 list just dedicated to it.

Yes, Cowell has finally – fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinaaaaaaaaaaaaaalllllllly – commented on the moment Natalia Kills and Willy Moon made a mockery of his life’s work, and of the entire sacred movement that is ‘The X-Factor’, by being unnecessarily rude to Joe Irvine, an innocent contender on the New Zealand version of the show. Kills didn’t like his suit. Moon didn’t like his hair. And then the sky came falling in.

But what does Cowell – who has fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalllllllllly spoken – think about the unnecessary rudeness on his television franchise which, as you all know, was clearly built on an ethos of unrudeness? “It was hateful”, the ‘X’ man has declared to the Daily Mail. And you know what? “It didn’t even make sense”. Too right Cowell. Too right. Kills the Moon I say, such unforgivable rudeness has no place in your religion.

Though thinking about it, “Hateful… doesn’t even make sense”. That’s actually a good strapline for the whole ‘X-Factor’ enterprise. Hurray, now the show has a strapline it can use. Phew, I do like a happy ending.