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Smash Hits returns (as an advertising pamphlet, just like you always wanted)

By | Published on Monday 4 November 2019

Smash Hits special

Smash Hits is back! But only for one edition. And it only has twelve pages. But anyway, as they say, wooooooooooooo! This special free edition of the classic pop mag of old is being published in partnership with West End musical ‘& Juliet’ and is being distributed on the London Underground.

“What the fucking fuck has Smash fucking Hits got to fucking do with the fucking West fucking End”, you’re probably thinking, because you’re famously uncouth. There really is no need for that sort of language, even in the privacy of your own head. And, you see, this musical – which asks what might have happened if Juliet hadn’t died at the end of ‘Romeo & Juliet’, for some reason – features songs from the catalogue of pop super-producer Max Martin. That’s what.

The one-off magazine will mainly dig into the Smash Hits archives for its content, because who can be bothered to write about pop music anymore? Inside are interviews with *Nsync, Adam Lambert and Jessie J, features on Britney Spears and Martin himself, a quiz, a wordsearch, song lyrics for Katy Perry’s ‘I Kissed A Girl’ and Backstreet Boys’ ‘Backstreet’s Back, and best of all – really, this is the best bit – best best best – I can’t stress this enough – best of all – are you ready? – best of all, a full-page advert for ‘& Juliet’.

“Magazines have the power to deliver high quality attention at exceptional value for advertisers”, claims Bauer Media’s Abby Carvosso, admirably making no effort to suggest this anything but a glorified ad campaign. “What better way to capture attention than bringing the iconic Smash Hits back for a one-off special? This unique partnership has seen us connect with pop fanatics through the pioneering voice in pop culture to drive audiences to ‘& Juliet'”.

A whole 50,000 copies of the Smash Hits special will be thrust into the hands of blank-faced Londoners today. Maybe you already have one. Maybe you already dumped it in the bin. Maybe you dropped it in your in-tray for future dumping in the bin. Maybe you even thought about putting it in the recycling bag like a good citizen of planet pop. Hey, maybe you’ve framed it and hung it on your office wall for all to see. If you’ve framed it, you’re weird. That’s what we’re all thinking. We all think you’re weird.