Artist News Awards Media

Something entirely pointless happened

By | Published on Tuesday 13 December 2016


So, the BBC held its annual ‘Let’s See How Much Licence Fee Money We Can Piss Up A Wall’ gala in London, of all places, last night. Which, come to think of it, would probably be a better use of licence fee payer money than handing Adele and Coldplay yet more awards. I mean, a bunch BBC execs guzzling down some licence fee funded champagne and then literally pissing it up against a wall would at least constitute an interesting statement.

But no, the wall pissing was metaphorical, though the handing out of yet more awards to Adele and Coldplay – this time at the licence fee payer’s expense – was very real. Coldplay were handed the Entirely Pointless Award for something entirely pointless, while other winners included The 1975, who took home the I Mean What’s The Fucking Point Of This? Award, and Izzy Bizu, who was presented with the Think What Could Be Achieved If All This Budget Was Actually Spent On BBC Introducing Itself Award.

Adele, meanwhile, was a double winner for the second year running. She won both the How Is This Still A Thing? Award and the I Mean, Who Do We Need To Fire To Put This Shit Out Of Its Misery? Award. Well done one and all.

Neither Adele nor Coldplay were able to attend. Though I bet if the night had actually consisted of licence fee payer money being artistically and/or politically pissed up against a wall, they’d have been there like a shot. See, I should run the BBC.