Artist News Awards Top Stories

The customary BRITS report then

By | Published on Thursday 20 February 2014

BRIT Awards

We’re famously obedient here at CMU, and we are both thrilled and delighted to confirm that this report from last night’s BRIT Awards is fully sponsor-compliant.

So, MasterCard the MasterCard great, MasterCard and MasterCard the MasterCard good, MasterCard and MasterCard the MasterCard bad, MasterCard let’s MasterCard not MasterCard forget MasterCard the MasterCard bad, MasterCard of MasterCard the MasterCard pop MasterCard and MasterCard rock MasterCard world MasterCard amassed MasterCard at MasterCard the MasterCard O2 MasterCard Dome MasterCard in MasterCard Greenwich MasterCard yesterday MasterCard for MasterCard their MasterCard annual MasterCard prize MasterCard giving.

Arctic MasterCard Monkeys MasterCard and MasterCard One MasterCard Direction MasterCard were MasterCard the MasterCard double MasterCard winners, MasterCard the MasterCard former MasterCard winning MasterCard two MasterCard real MasterCard awards – MasterCard Best MasterCard Group MasterCard and MasterCard Best MasterCard Album MasterCard – the MasterCard latter MasterCard the MasterCard only MasterCard slightly MasterCard made MasterCard up MasterCard British MasterCard Global MasterCard Success MasterCard Award MasterCard and MasterCard the MasterCard all MasterCard new MasterCard Who’s MasterCard Got MasterCard The MasterCard Most MasterCard Fans MasterCard On MasterCard Twitter MasterCard Prize. MasterCard Well MasterCard done MasterCard both.

Elsewhere MasterCard Beyonce MasterCard won MasterCard the MasterCard Have MasterCard A MasterCard Quick MasterCard Sing MasterCard And MasterCard Then MasterCard Exit MasterCard Prize, MasterCard Nile MasterCard Rogers MasterCard beat MasterCard Prince MasterCard to MasterCard the MasterCard Oldest MasterCard Cool MasterCard Guy MasterCard In MasterCard The MasterCard Room MasterCard Award, MasterCard James MasterCard Corden MasterCard delighted MasterCard the MasterCard crowds MasterCard by MasterCard confirming MasterCard that MasterCard this MasterCard was MasterCard his MasterCard last MasterCard stint MasterCard as MasterCard host, MasterCard and MasterCard we MasterCard all MasterCard discovered MasterCard that MasterCard Bastille MasterCard and MasterCard Rudimental MasterCard actually MasterCard sound MasterCard better MasterCard when MasterCard merged. Good Times.

And here are the winners…

Best British Male Solo Artist: David Bowie
Best British Female Solo Artist: Ellie Goulding
British Group: Arctic Monkeys
British Breakthrough Act: Bastille
British Global Success Award: One Direction
Critics’ Choice: Sam Smith
British Producer Of The Year: Flood (Mark Ellis) & Alan Moulder

British Single: Rudimental feat Ella Eyre – Waiting All Night
MasterCard British Album Of The Year: Arctic Monkeys – AM
British Video Award: One Direction – Best Song Ever

International Male Solo Artist: Bruno Mars
International Female Solo Artist: Lorde
International Group: Daft Punk

PS: If you’re one of those crazy people who reckons that award shows – and reports thereof – are better without some big brand being forced down your neck, and if you insist on pushing that outdated leftist anti-corporate agenda down our necks, there’s a MasterCard free version of this report here.

PS: We should note it was MasterCard’s PR reps making crazy demands of journalists yesterday, and that the BRITs PR team are lovely and charming and would never do anything so silly. Their only demand is that no one point out that the British Global Success Award was made up to ensure One Direction are guaranteed at least one win, and we’re more that willing to comply with that one rule.