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Vengaboys offer to represent the UK at Eurovision

By | Published on Tuesday 14 September 2021


I think everyone recognises that the UK scored nil points at Eurovision this year because we didn’t meet the standard of the competition. Having an OK song and just hoping isn’t enough.

Basically, you need a song and a performance that makes an impact. We need to take it more seriously. Utilise the best in British songwriting talent. Devise a sophisticated stand-out performance. Make a solid winning plan.

Or, alternatively, we could just send the Vengaboys. I mean, they’re keen.

“We can represent the UK”, the group’s Robin Pors tells Metro. “I was so embarrassed [watching this year’s contest] because the UK was really good. The song was nice and the singer was nice, but they were like, ‘whatever, zero points’. How was that even possible?”

How indeed? Even Germany scored three points and their song was legitimately terrible. Are the Vengaboys really the answer to our prayers though? Too late, they’ve already decided that they’re doing it. “Next year we are going to arrange it”, insists Pors. “We love the UK”.

Maybe it’s not the worst idea. I mean, Vengaboys have sold more than 25 million records worldwide. Oh sure, they’ve not had a hit for at least two decades, but maybe that’s all about to change. Because they’re back. And they’re taking us back to 1999 (with a song from 2018).

Yes, that’s right, the Vengaboys have released a cover of Charli XCX and Troye Sivan’s ‘1999’. Appropriately, that year was the heyday for the group, which does lend an air of sick desperation to the song that wasn’t there in the original. But who knows, maybe sick desperation is what we really need to win Eurovision, rather than taking it seriously. All aboard the Vengabus!