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Vince Staples calls off retirement fund GoFundMe campaign

By | Published on Thursday 15 March 2018

Vince Staples

Showing very little commitment to the admirable cause of fucking off forever, rapper Vince Staples has already abandoned his GoFundMe campaign to raise $2 million to fund an early retirement. Anyone would think the whole thing was a cynical ruse to promote his new record.

Staples launched the fundraising exercise last week declaring that if people pledged $2 million he’d “shut the fuck up forever”. In a video explaining the campaign, Staples said: “We’ve got a lot of complaints about our recent show performances. We would like to give you an alternative. On, you can decide to donate to the call of $2 million, which will allow me to shut the fuck up forever and you will never hear from me again”.

“Get off of my dick, or fund my lifestyle, the choice is yours”, he concluded. “Get off of my dick” being suspiciously similar to the name of the new track that subsequently went live the next day, ‘Get The Fuck Off My Dick’.

With that record out, Staples’ GoFundMe page went offline and then came back online, before the entire early retirement fund mission was called off. “Seeing as we clearly won’t reach our goal of $2 million, I am cancelling the GoFundMe and refunding all the little people with big voices. I expect to hear no further slander”, he declared on Twitter.

In its week in existence the GoFundMe campaign had raised just over $2000. After calling the whole thing off, Staples added: “I am also personally matching the donations made and donating the full amount to the Michelle Obama Library Of Norf Long Beach in honour of you citch ass niggas. I love you all, good day”.

Good stuff. And here’s that track this entire thing was set up to promote: