CMU Daily - on the inside Friday 6th January
yesterday's Daily - Daily archive

In today's CMU Daily:
- Sound Of 2006 top ten announced
- HP announce new partnership with Real
- Gates waxes lyrical about his Urge
- Obie trice on NYE shooting
- Gary Glitter formally charged
- Jackson lawsuit dismissed
- Album review: Santos - Home Sweet Home
- Arctic debut brought forward
- Chili Peppers new album news
- Barry buys house where Johnny lived
- John Cale release and tour
- Album review: The Strokes - First Impressions Of Earth
- Brits album to feature videos
- Hard Dance Awards line up announced
- Breakspoll all nighter announced
- Coldcut tour
- Highbury announce magazine sell off
- CN win Warwick radio licence
- Birmingham station restage instant wedding promotion
- Former Morcheeba singer sues band's founder
- Morrissey has a go at Bush and Blair
- Doherty's no longer private dick
- Rolling Stones age ban

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TOP BIT>>

GUESS WHAT WE WERE WATCHING LAST NIGHT?
So, turns out members of two of CMU's favourite bands are among the ten celebs currently residing in the Big Brother house - Preston from The Ordinary Boys and Maggot from Goldie Lookin Chain. They join a line up which also includes Michael Barrymore, Jodie Marsh, Dead Or Alive frontman Pete Burns, Baywatch star Traci Bingham, actress Rula Lenska, US basketball player Dennis Rodman, FA affair mistress Faria Alam, and MP George Galloway. Presumably Maggot, whose opening line on walking into the house was "I'm just here to make up the numbers", isn't expecting to survive the full 21 days of the series, given that GLC are due to play at the British At MIDEM showcase in Cannes on 23 Jan! The first twist of the current series of Celeb BB is that there's an eleventh person in the house who is not, as yet, a celebrity at all - that's right, even less of a celebrity than the women whose only claim to fame is to have slept her way around Football Association. In order to avoid being kicked out on Sunday night, Chantelle from Essex has to convince the other celebs that she is actually in a fictional girl band called Kandy Floss, who had a chart hit with a track called 'I Want It Right Now'. Given how confused most contestants in the house looked as to who any of their fellow celeb housemates were, she may just pull it off. And if she does, I wonder how many pop execs out there are writing the opening lines to 'I Want It Right Now' right now - there's a one hit wonder and some ringtone sales in Kandy Floss featuring Chantelle, surely?

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PRESS ROOM>>

KILL ALL HIPPIES, JAN 2006
Kill All Hippies returns this Friday, 6 Jan, at Shoreditch's 333 Club. Live action this time comes from The Longcut, Kill The Young and Dirty Fuzz, while on the decks will be Jeff Automatic, Frankie D, Gavin Nugent, Mark Beaumont (NME), Syrinx, Owen Hopkins (The Crimea) and Honk Papa. All takes place from 9pm to 5am. Tickets, £10, £8 (NUS), or a fiver if you guest list in advance at http://www.leylinepromotions.com.

Press info from Leyline, full press release at:
http://www.cmumusicnetwork.co.uk/pressroom/killallhippies

GET 8500 OPINION FORMERS IN THE LOOP
Promote your releases and events to 8500 opinion formers in the CMU Press Room. 75 words in the Daily and a full page on the website for just £60 a week. Email chris@unlimitedmedia.co.uk to book.

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CMU FRIDAY TIPS>>

VIGSY'S CLUB TIP: Cocoshebeen at the Opera House, Bournemouth
A New Year's resolution of mine was to branch this here tip out nationwide ... so here we go. This south coast based drum and bass night will tonight play host to the Hospital Records crew, with London Elektricity and Nu Tone among the line up. I'm not sure if it's purely a DJ set or a live thing, but Coleman and crew always rock it either way. I gather that is in conjunction with Slinky, and that aint a bad thing.

Friday 6 Jan, 9pm - 4am, £8/10, The Opera House, 570 Christchurch Rd, Bournemouth, BH1 4BH, tickets 01202 399922, info at www.slinky.co.uk

CHRIS' CLUB TIP: Kill All Hippies at 333, Shoreditch
My New Years resolution is the carry on shamelessly plugging Kill All Hippies and Remix Night here in the Club Tip slot. Kill All Hippies is getting in quick for 2006, with a storming live line up including The Longcut, Kill The Young and Dirty Fuzz and more top rock DJs than you'll know what to do with, including the Double Dragon team. And all for a fiver if you register in advance - sorted.

Friday 6 Jan, 9pm - 5am, £10, £8 (NUS), £5 (register in advance), 333, Shoreditch, info from Leyline.

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SOUND OF 2006 TOP TEN ANNOUNCED
This just in! The full top ten of the BBC's Sound Of 2006 poll is out. This is the survey that questions 100 odd music pundit types as to what new artists they are most excited about at the start of each year - and as a general rule many of the artists listed in the final top ten go on to do very well in the following twelve months - The Bravery, Bloc Party, The Game, Kaiser Chiefs, KT Tunstall and The Magic Numbers all appeared last year - so it is rather good news for everyone listed. The top ten goes as follows:

1. Corinne Bailey Rae
2. Clap Your Hands Say Yeah
3. The Feeling
4. Plan B
5. Guillemots
6. Sway
7. Chris Brown
8. Marcos Hernandez
9. Kubb
10. The Automatic

Commenting on topping the survey, the increasingly buzzy Bailey Rae told reporters: "I'm just totally shocked because I didn't really think anyone had even heard of me at all. It's amazing and it's quite scary as well. It's very early on because I haven't sold any records, I'm really aware of that."

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HP ANNOUNCE NEW PARTNERSHIP WITH REAL
Back to Vegas and the Consumer Electronics Show where Hewlett-Packard formally ended their relationship with Apple yesterday by announcing a new deal with RealNetworks.

As previously reported, HP announced last August that it would not renew its partnership with Apple which had included the sale of HP branded iPods and the inclusion of iTunes on the company's PCs. That deal ran out at the end of last year, and will now be replaced by a partnership with RealNetworks, which means that the RealPlayer will now be pushed via HP, with their US PCs coming with Real's Rhapsody software already installed and a free 30-day trail of their subscription based music platform.

Elsewhere at CES, Real announced a deal with US cable company Cox Communications that will offer the Rhapsody service to 3 million broadband users across the US, and give them the chance to bundle their Rhapsody subscription into their existing cable bill. Cox spokesman Steve Gorman explained: "Our customers won't have to bother with filling out yet another online subscription form or be asked to provide personal information such as a credit card number. With our integrated billing system, Cox customers can experience great music and continue enjoying the convenience of a single bill."

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GATES WAXES LYRICAL ABOUT HIS URGE
Bill Gates also took centre stage at CES this week, telling us, just in case we hadn't noticed, that this was "the decade of digital lifestyle, the decade of digital workstyle". Music wise, Gates concentrated on his company's previously reported new partnership with MTV, who together plan to take on iTunes through their new music service Urge. The new service will work within the Windows Media application, and will tap into MusicNet's 2 million track catalogue. Joined by the President of MTV Networks Music Group, Van Toffler, and one Justin Timberlake, Gates told his audience: "Microsoft and MTV Networks have combined their strengths to dramatically redefine how Windows users discover and enjoy music. The result is a seamless melding of software and entertainment expertise that makes it easy for people to discover new music and listen to old favorites." Urge should be online in the first half of this year.

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OBIE TRICE ON NYE SHOOTING
Obie Trice's label Shady Records have released a statement from the rapper regarding that shooting that took place in the early hours of New Year's Eve.

As previously reported, Trice was shot at in his car whilst driving along a Michigan freeway with his girlfriend. The hip hop star was swiftly discharged from hospital and is recovering at home, but apparently he will need to see a surgeon again soon as his injuries are a little more serious than initial reports suggested: a bullet is still lodged in his head, as doctors judged it too risky to move due to its position.

In the statement, Trice says: "This is living in Detroit, and that's all. You hear about it because it's me, I got ties to Eminem or whatever, but I got people that are out there dealing with it every single day where I'm from. As far as all the rumors and guessing games, people talking road rage and all that nonsense, I'm not getting involved in any of that right now."

The identity of the shooter is still a complete mystery. Michigan police continue to investigate, but as yet have turned up no suspects.

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GARY GLITTER FORMALLY CHARGED
Gary Glitter has been formally charged with committing obscene acts with two girls aged twelve and thirteen. The former pop star, real name Paul Gadd, is alleged to have fondled and kissed the girls as well as engaging in other physical acts with them at his home in Vung Tau, Vietnam.

As reported earlier in the week, a charge of child rape was dropped at the end of last month, meaning Gadd is no longer at risk of receiving the death penalty. A prosecutor from the southern Vietnamese province of Ba Ria Vung Tau, who confirmed the charge, said conviction could lead to between three and seven years in prison. The prosecutors will now hand the case over to the provincial courts, which will decide whether the case will go to trial.

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JACKSON LAWSUIT DISMISSED
A £5million lawsuit brought by Michael Jackson over 'stolen' memorabilia has been thrown out of court in the US, dismissed by a District Judge because Jackson stopped pursuing the case after filing it two years ago.

As previously reported, Jackson originally filed the claim jointly with his sister Janet, claiming that one Henry Vaccaro had a warehouse full of memorabilia that he had stolen from Jackson family members, including gold-trimmed costumes, financial documents, letters, and awards. Vaccaro claimed that he was awarded the items after a failed business venture ended up in the bankruptcy courts, but Janet and Michael said that the New Jersey businessman only had a right to some items originally belonging to siblings Tito and Jermaine and their parents.

Vaccaro's lawyer, Edgar Pease III, has also alleged that the memorabilia also included gold records and personal items including skin bleach, soiled underwear, sexual videotapes, sexual paraphernalia and a hand-drawn picture by Jackson of a 7-year-old boy. Jackson never claimed ownership, of course, of the bleach, sexual materials, underwear or the picture.

Pease also says that virtually all the items, aside from some items taken by the District Attorney, were sold anyway and are therefore no longer in Vaccaro's possession. Janet Jackson's portion of the lawsuit remains active.

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ALBUM REVIEW: Santos - Home Sweet Home (Distinctive Records)
A twee doorbell ding-ding intro tricks you into thinking there's something quite innocent to follow, though it soon becomes clear that there's nothing happy-clappy about this 'Home Sweet Home'. It's start-to-finish aggressive breakbeat and hard house, hammering and bleeping away with Latino gusto. There are elements of the Chemical Brothers and Fatboy Slim in there, with distinctly Basement Jaxxy electronica bits lurking too. However, this sound is less sanitised than any of those, as Santos veers away from melodies in favour of minimalist samples and chugging beats. 'Stop! What?' is typical of Santos' penchant for a gradual layering of sounds, building a track into a heady big-beat experience. It's pretty de-humanised, but he carries it off thanks to a keen attention to punchy basslines and high pitch ambient jiggery pokery. Nowhere is the jiggery more pokery than in 'Combination', which lures you in with the kind of solid beat and eerie squeals at which Santos excels. 'Experiment' wanders on to techno turf, trammelling cold and unremitting Eastern European tones onto the eardrums. A welcome hint of the human appears in 'Tromba' in the form of a soulful mute trumpet part, and 'Human Decision Required' flirts some quasi-exotic birdsong, but it's ultimately the robots that rule this record. Relying heavily on technology, 'Home Sweet Home' is music for dancing androids, so if you're not one of those, it's possibly a tad oppressive and may leave a synthetic aftertaste. WE
Release Date: 27 Feb
Press Contact: Trailer Media [all]

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ARCTIC DEBUT BROUGHT FORWARD
The release of Arctic Monkeys' debut album has been brought forward due to its being leaked on the internet. No big surprises there then. 'Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not' will now be released on 23 Jan, preceded by latest single, 'When The Sun Goes Down' on 16 Jan.

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CHILI PEPPERS NEW ALBUM NEWS
The lovely (hmm) Red Hot Chili Peppers are to release their ninth studio album in the spring. The new long player, 'Stadium Arcadium' will be released as a double album and is expected to be out in April. The band are expected to announce tour dates shortly to coincide with the release.

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BARRY BUYS HOUSE WHERE JOHNNY LIVED
The Bee Gees' Barry Gibb has bought the house Johnny Cash and his wife June Carter Cash lived for thirty five years. The country retreat in Hendersonville, Tennessee, was put on the market in June with an asking price of $2.9million, later lowered to $2.5million. A Cash family lawyer confirmed that the house had been purchased by Balinda, a Florida-based company owned by Gibb and his wife Linda, but did not disclose the sum the couple had paid.

Gibb said the house would "always be the spiritual home for the Cashes", adding: "My wife, Linda, and I are determined to preserve it, to honour their memory. We fell in love with it. It's an incredible honour for us. We plan to use the home to write songs because of the musical inspiration."

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JOHN CALE RELEASE AND TOUR
John Cale is to release a new single, 'Outta The Bag', via download on 16 Jan - see http://www.john-cale.com for details. The track is lifted from Cale's latest album 'blackAcetate:', released back in October. Luckily for you, you can also see him on tour with his band in the latter half of the month. Here are the dates:

24 Jan: Manchester Academy 3
25 Jan: London Garage
27 Jan: Bristol Academy
28 Jan: Glasgow ABC
29 Jan: Gateshead The Sage
30 Jan: Leicester De Montfort Hall

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ALBUM REVIEW: The Strokes - First Impressions Of Earth (Rough Trade)
The midweeks suggest that this should be number one on Sunday, which might, more than anything else, be a sign of just how quiet record sales are in the first week of the year, but that doesn't make the achievement any less deserved. To be honest, I've been a bit indifferent about The Strokes in the past. Possibly because there always seemed to be other (often Rough Trade signed) bands or artists releasing equally good records in tandem with Casablanca et al who never enjoyed the same levels of media buzz. Possibly because Xfm played 'Reptilia' to death for a particularly long period of time after its release was delayed back in 2004. And possibly because there was such a good mash up of that track doing the rounds that dropped Dizzee Rascal into the mix that the original always seemed a little disappointing by comparison. But I think it's time I tried to get a little bit more passionate about The Strokes, because this is a really really good album. And while single release 'Juicebox' is something of a stand out on first listen, all fourteen tracks here deserve their place, with 'Heart In A Cage', 'Electricityscape' and 'Ask Me Anything' each having been my personal favourite at some point since I started listening to this album. For my liking, 2005 wasn't as good a year as 2004 music wise outside the dance genre, but I've got strangely good feelings about the year to come, and if we can have a few more albums as good as this one I think those feelings will be satisfied. As a first impression of 2006, this is about as good as it gets. CC
Release date: 2 Jan
Press contact: Coalition [CP, RP, NP] Anglo [CR, RR, NR]

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BRITS ALBUM TO FEATURE VIDEOS
Although the official launch party for the 2005 Brit Awards isn't until Tuesday, there was a bit of a hint as to who will be on the nomination lists yesterday when SonyBMG revealed the track listing for this year's Brits album, which is released on 6 Feb. There's an extra twist to this year's Awards long player - it will be released as a dual-disk format, meaning that punters will be able to listen to the tracks on their CD player, or flip the disk over and watch the respective promo videos on their DVD player. As far as we're aware, it's the first use of the dual-disk format on a compilation of this kind. The tracklisting for the compo runs thus:

Disc 1
Madonna - Hung Up
Robbie Williams - Tripping
Sugababes - Push The Button
James Blunt - High
Daniel Powter - Bad Day
Girls Aloud - Biology
Kelly Clarkson - Since U Been Gone
Will Young - Switch It On
Charlotte Church - Crazy Chick
KT Tunstall - Black Horse and the Cherry Tree
Britney Spears - Do Somethin'
Mario - Let Me Love You
Akon - Lonely
Mylo - In My Arms
Faithless - Insomnia

Disc 2
Coldplay -Speed Of Sound
Gorillaz - Feel Good Inc
Oasis - The Importance Of Being Idle
Franz Ferdinand - Do You Want To
Kaiser Chiefs - Oh My God
Razorlight - Somewhere Else
The Darkness - One Way Ticket
Hard Fi - Hard To Beat
Basement Jaxx - Oh My Gosh
Jamiroquai - Feels Just Like It Should
Anastacia - Pieces Of A Dream
Natalie Imbruglia - Shiver
Jem - They
Kate Bush - King Of The Mountain
Paul Weller - From The Floorboards Up
Paul McCartney - Jenny Wren
David Gray - The One I Love

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HARD DANCE AWARDS LINE UP ANNOUNCED
Talking of awards, which we were, the line up has been announced for the Hard Dance Awards, which will take place on 11 Feb at The Fridge in London. Topping the bill will be The Tidy Boys and BK, supported by Rob Tissera, The Nu Energy Collective Live, Organ Donors, Paul Glazby, Andy Whitby, Danny D and Phil York. Anne Savage and Ed Real with DJ and present.

Commenting on his involvement, Ed Real told CMU: "Each year the Hard Dance Awards has become bigger and I'm really looking forward to utilising the theatre layout of The Fridge to full effect - expect cameras, lights and plenty of action!"

Savage added: "I can't wait. It will be my third time presenting the awards, and it's always an amazing night with good music, an incredible vibe and a chance for a bit of 'get together' with lots of industry pals".

Clubbers can still vote in the awards at http://www.harddanceawards.com

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BREAKSPOLL ALL NIGHTER ANNOUNCED
And staying with awards with a dance theme for just a little bit longer, details of the all-nighter which will follow this year's Breakspoll awards event have been announced.

Voting is already underway for the main awards event of the breaks scene, with the winners due to be announced at an event at Fabric on 23 Feb. The all-nighter takes place at the SeOne club the next night from 10pm to 6am and the line up is looking pretty damn special, stacking up as follows:

Main Room: Freq Nasty, Rennie Pilgrem with MC Chickaboo, JDS, Will Saul, Precision Cuts, The Teamplayers featuring Aquasky, UK Apache, Spyda, The Ragga Twins & Ban Jyang and Spiltloop.

Room 2 - Bassline Breaks: Pendulum (breaks set), Breakfastaz, Deekline & Wizard with MC Ivory, Deep Impact with Screwface.

Room 3 - International Breaks: Danny Mac, Klaus 'Heavyweight' Hill, Simon Paul vs Sgt Rock, Madox vs Santos, Cedric Benoit.

Tickets are £10 in advance from http://www.ticketweb.co.uk. More info and voting at http://www.breakspoll.com. Press info from Leyline or Get Involved.

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COLDCUT TOUR
More details have been announced regarding the upcoming Coldcut tour, which will follow the release of the long awaited new album 'Sound Mirrors' on 30 Jan.

Matt Black and Jon More will be back on stage this month with a brand new set featuring all of that great interactive video type stuff that you'd expect. House legend Robert Owens will guest, as will the mighty Mike Ladd, who appeared on recent Coldcut single release 'Everything Is Under Control' of course. The whole night will be something of a multi-media experience, including the chance to play with Coldcut's new website and to download exclusive tracks to your phone via Bluetooth. Oh yes, and there'll be goody bags for the first fifty punters through the door! All in all, well worth checking out - dates as follows.

19 Jan: London Cargo **album launch party*
16 Feb: Norwich Waterfront
17 Feb: Nottingham Rescue Rooms
18 Feb: Bexhill De La Warr Pavilion
22 Feb: Exeter Lemon Grove
23 Feb: Birmingham Custard Factory
24 Feb: Manchester Academy 2
25 Feb: London Shepherds Bush Empire
19 Apr: Brighton Corn Exchange
20 Apr: Bristol Academy
21 Apr: Gateshead Sage
22 Apr: Dublin Village
24 Apr: Cardiff The Point
25 Apr: Sheffield Sheffield Uni SU
26 Apr: Glasgow Tramway Theatre

Meanwhile, the second single off the new Coldcut album, ' Man In A Garage', is released this Monday (9 Jan) including Snap Ant, Bonobo and Lemon Jelly remixes. Press info from Ninja Tune or Sainted.

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HIGHBURY ANNOUNCE MAGAZINE SELL OFF
Magazine publishing company Highbury has announced it will sell off all of its remaining thirty titles one by one in a bid to pay off creditors. The Guardian reports that city types reckon that such a sale should raise somewhere between £5 million and £8 million, which means that after all debts are paid shareholders are unlikely to see much return when the company is then wound up.

Having already sold off a number of its magazines, including DJ Mag, Highbury's remaining roster includes a lot of PC and digital arts titles, though some lifestyle mags remain, most prominently lads mag Front. The decision to wind up operations came after Kelvin Mackenzie, who worked as the company's Chairman for half of last year, announced he was quitting just before Christmas saying he had been "defeated by a mountain of debt". He himself made a reported £1.5 million investment into the company which is unlikely to now recoup.

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CN WIN WARWICK RADIO LICENCE
Cumbria based CN Group has been awarded the new radio licence for Warwick, beating a rival bid headed by former EMAP radio chief Tim Schoonmaker for Australian investment bank Macquarie. CN will launch a station called 2DayFM which will be a "locally focused music and information station". So now you know. The win means CN now own eight radio stations, including The Bay in Morecambe, The Bear in Stratford-upon-Avon and Belfast's City Beat.

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BIRMINGHAM STATION RESTAGE INSTANT WEDDING PROMOTION
Talking of radio, GCap's Birmingham radio station BRMB is planning to once again marry two of its listeners minutes just after they meet. You may remember that the radio station caused outrage among certain groups, especially church groups, when they staged the ultimate blind date promotion seven years ago, which saw Greg Cordell and Carla Germaine marry live on air minutes after meeting. The couple were picked from 200 contestants after a string of tests and quizzes. But despite a free honeymoon in the Bahamas and a luxury flat and car, the newlyweds decided to divorce just three months after their wedding.

Seven years on the radio station is doing it all again. Elliot Webb, who will co-host the competition with Caroline Martin, told the Guardian: "On a regular basis we are asked about Greg and Carla and the story appears every time weddings are in the news. This is seven years on and I suppose there was an itch to do it again."

Anticipating further complaints regarding the promotion, co-host Martin added, with an air of commendable wishful thinking: "We'll be promoting marriage. Not only will we find a compatible couple but we'll take away the pain of the cost of the marriage and support their lifestyle for a year".

If BRMB are looking for an added twist to their second 'lets make a mockery of marriage' promotion, perhaps they could take advantage of recent legislation and marry off two gay listeners.

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FORMER MORCHEEBA SINGER SUES BAND'S FOUNDER
Former Morcheeba singer Daisy Martey is reportedly suing former band-mate Paul Godfrey on grounds of sexual harassment. Martey was sacked from the band last year after she became unwell before a concert, which had to be cancelled.

According to the Sun, Martey's lawsuit alleges a number of incidents of improper conduct on Godfrey's part, including touching her bottom, attempting to kiss her and groping her breasts twice. Godfrey is also accused of calling the singer a "cheap tart", and saying that she was "an uneducated working class girl with a posh voice and middle class aspirations".

No comment from Godfrey as yet.

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MORRISSEY HAS A GO AT BUSH AND BLAIR
Morrissey has had a go at George W Bush and Tony Blair in answer to questions put to him on fan website true-to-you.net. The question asked how he defined himself politically and he answered to the effect that he has no party loyalty, saying: "I find myself opposing barbarism, that's all. People like Blair and Bush have proved that in order to succeed in politics you must be cruel and morally bankrupt. I see no difference between Blair or Bush and Saddam Hussein - all egotistical dictators. Perhaps the only difference is that Blair and Bush do it with a smile. Murder and smile .... as Shakespeare said. Good people do not succeed in politics - it's impossible".

He continues: "I also think that most people have lost faith and trust in politics, and this can only be because most political leaders prove themselves to be contemptuous of the people who elect them. When Bush decided that he would have a state visit to England, Blair described the anti-Bush protestors as 'these people' - even though 'these people' were in fact the ordinary people of England who had probably voted Blair into government. But, Blair was prepared to attack his own people in order to avoid upsetting Bush. This is what happens in non-democratic countries."

Morrissey also had a bit of a go at Jamie Oliver and Clarissa Dickson-Wright in passing, responding to a question about animal rights, saying "With people in the world such as Jamie Oliver and Clarissa Dickson Wright there isn't much hope for animals." Which is a bit mean. Speaking as a strict-vegetarian/animal-rights-promoting-nutter myself, I think there are better targets than celebrity chefs for this kind of vitriol.

Anyway, the former Smiths frontman went on to say that he supports the use of force amongst those involved in the animal rights movement. "I support the efforts of the Animal Rights Militia in England and I understand why fur-farmers and so-called laboratory scientists are repaid with violence - it is because they deal in violence themselves and it's the only language they understand - the same principals that apply to war."

He continues: "You reach a point where you cannot reason with people. This is why the Animal Rights Militia and the Hunt Saboteurs exist. They are usually very intelligent people who are forced to act because the law is shameful or amoral. In England, animals are hunted to the point of extinction, and then a great effort is made to save and reintroduce animals, and once they are re-established, they are then hunted back to the point of extinction. Everybody needs to hate something, it seems."

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DOHERTY'S NO LONGER PRIVATE DICK
According to The Sun, Pete Doherty is very angry because a video of him exposing himself has made it onto the internet. The film was apparently posted on that previously reported fan website balachadha.com, and allegedly prompted the Babyshambles frontman to storm round to the fansite's offices to demand that the footage be removed, with not much immediate effect.

The video apparently shows Doherty initially showing off his infamous tummy implants, but the singer is then said to have revealed a little more. A 'friend' told The Sun: "Pete was showing stomach implants installed to stop him taking heroin. But he decided to expose himself and start grabbing his willy. He forgot about the film, but went mad when it hit the internet. He might be an exhibitionist on stage, but he doesn't want his bits shown to the world."

Of course, Doherty claimed at one point that Kate Moss dumped him because, and I quote, "My dick is too small", so there may not actually be a great deal to see. Incidentally, the 31 year old Moss has apparently already found love again with former schoolboy Jamie Burke, who is twenty. Is it me, or do celebrities get over break-ups about thirty times quicker than everybody else?

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ROLLING STONES AGE BAN
US organisers of a special televised Super Bowl Rolling Stones concert have barred middle-aged fans from playing an integral part - even though said fans would still be young enough to be the band's children. The rockers play Detroit's Ford Field stadium on 5 Feb, and organisers have said that those who make up the 2,000 strong volunteer force that go on the pitch must not be over the age of 45. Charming.

This decision is apparently justified because people older than forty five don't have the legs to keep dancing in front of the millions watching on TV over the world, and that's a fact. An organiser said: "You have to attend rehearsal and be able to stand for long stretches of time. And you have to run on to Ford Field with 2,000 other folks."

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