HULL ISP ALREADY SUSPENDING FILE-SHARERS
So, this is interesting, it turns out there already is an internet service provider in the UK that is cutting off naughty file-sharers. And given it's an ISP in the unique position of having a monopoly in its local area, those who lose their net access don't really have anywhere else to turn.

Hull-based Kingston Communications have reportedly operated a system of cutting off those who access unlicensed content via their Karoo broadband service for a while, though it's come to our attention now through a report by BBC Radio Humberside. According to the Beeb, when a content owner alerts Karoo that one of their customers is accessing or sharing content illegally, that customer has their internet access suspended. They must then sign a specific agreement confirming they will not do the naughty P2P thing again in order to be reconnected.

Karoo is in a totally unique position in the UK internet market in that the people of Hull have no other option for net provision. For slightly strange historical reasons, Kingston Communications is the only phone company operating in the area, not even BT has any lines in Hull.

Although under OfCom rules Kingston has to make its network available to other companies interested in providing phone or internet services to the city, any company wanting to do so would have to make considerable investments which would take forever to recoup because of the small size of the local market. Therefore, until the mobile internet becomes a viable alternative, the people of Hull rely on Kingston and Karoo to connect to the net.

This is all very interesting for the record companies and music publishers, of course, who have been investing much energy in the last couple of years to try to persuade internet service providers to take a more proactive role in policing piracy on the net, ultimately suspending or disconnecting those who persistently access illegal sources of content.

As previously reported, the ISPs have generally resisted taking on any such role, normally citing customer privacy concerns, cost factors and the flaws in piracy tracking technology. The music industry has responded by lobbying governments to force ISPs to take on a piracy policing role, lobbying activity which has been successful in France and New Zealand, but not here in the UK, where the recent 'Digital Britain' report was very lacklustre in its proposals on combating online piracy.

The music firms might, therefore, be rather pleased to hear that Kingston Communications, unlike their counterparts outside of Hull, are taking action against file-sharers. Though labels and publishers are wary of being seen as the bad guys in all this - the evil corporates who stalk the country late at night cutting off your internet without any warning. Some in Hull say Karoo suspend their file-sharing customers' net access far too quickly, and without giving file-sharers warning of the implications of their copyright infringing ways. The record industry, of course, has proposed what it calls a 'graduated response' system - normally dubbed three-strikes - in which file-sharers receive two warning letters before any service suspension. Somewhere in that process there should also be a system whereby falsely accused web-users can appeal.

Most consumer and web-user rights groups are sure to be critical of Karoo's policies in this domain. There are also potentially tricky legal issues at play too. Kingston presumably suspend a filesharer's net access on the basis that accessing illegal content puts the customer in breach of the service's terms and conditions. That's pretty straight forward.

But where three-strikes has been seriously discussed, so in France for example, there has been much debate about who should have the power to deprive people of something as crucial to modern living as internet access. The French Constitutional Council ruled only a judge in a court of law should have that power. Now in normal circumstances one ISP cutting you off for breach of contract does not equate the sort of disconnection enabled by an industry-wide three-strikes system, because you can always go and get internet services from somewhere else. In Hull, though, because of Kingston's monopoly, that's not an option. I suspect if they thought about it, the European Parliament would have something so say about that.

Kingson argue that their account-suspension system for file-sharers is about protecting their customers more than penalising them. When you file-share unlicensed content you become liable for copyright infringement litigation by the owners of that content - something many file-sharers don't really realise. By suspending a file-sharer's account and making them sign an 'I won't do it again' form Kingston are alerting their customers to the seriousness of the situation, and in doing so protecting them from a potential sudden lawsuit. We know no record company is actually interesting in filing such lawsuits anymore, but it's definitely a reasonable argument on Kingston's part.

Kingston's Director of Consumer & Publishing Services, Nick Thompson, told the BBC: "I think it's the responsible approach, because we are protecting people from illegal activity. There are no benefits for us. In fact, when we cut off customers we're actually reacting against our own interests because we don't charge customers for that period when the service is suspended".

In reality the number of people affected by Kingston's file-sharing policy probably isn't very high, but the ISP's policy is potentially an interesting case study for the music industry as they try to persuade government that net firms have to take a more proactive role in combating piracy. Given Kingston seem willing, perhaps labels could work with the ISP to develop and test out a less draconian system. Who knows? Though it seems certain that, in its current form, the Karoo file-sharing policy, if nothing else, will further piss off those Hull net users who already resent having no choice in who supplies their web access.

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60% OF PEOPLE DON'T THINK MUSICIANS SHOULD EARN FROM ONLINE MUSIC
So this statistic is both interesting and slightly worrying for all you music folk. In a recent survey of 2000 web users, 60% said they didn't think musicians should receive royalties when their music is downloaded online. None at all, people. Not even point zero zero zero zero one of a penny. Not even a jelly bean. Not even a window sticker. Wow. Consumers are stingy bastards, aren't they?

The survey, conducted by 'network integration specialist' (whatever that means - they're a techie firm) Telindsu, asked 2000 consumers a very specific question. Did they agree with this statement: "I think musicians should derive royalties from their albums, singles and music videos that are downloaded online". Three fifths said they disagreed with that statement.

It's critical that the question didn't ask "should you, the consumer, have to pay" or "should record companies earn", it was quite specific as to whether customers felt individual musicians should earn money from their online music. Even a cynical bunny like me is pretty surprised that many punters questioned a musician's personal right to earn from their music. The only good news for music types is that even more people disagreed with the idea of TV companies earning royalties from online content.

I think it's fair to say the copyright industries are doing a poor job at explaining why it is that the very concept of copyright exists in modern society - possibly because when you're a copyright owner the idea that someone might question the very concept of copyright just seems insane. Plus of course copyright is such a dull tedious topic, it's not the easiest thing to communicate. But with stats like this one, perhaps it's something somebody should be doing.

Certainly Telindsu's research showed much confusion with regards copyrights in the online world. And with 43% of those surveyed who do access online content never paying for it (so, either they are accessing ad-funded free services or unlicensed content), you can see why many are struggling to get their heads around the idea that net-based content might provide someone with a livelihood.

The Telindsu research tried to turn the tables to discuss ownership of the content everyday web users put online - because, of course, technically speaking the minute you start tweeting or posting public Facebook messages or MySpace blogs, you become a copyright owner. Despite some high profile complaining by some in the artistic community whenever a social network provider tries to tweak terms and conditions to give themselves rights in their users' work, many people surveyed didn't really think about the intellectual property that exists in their own ramblings, while others assumed Facebook or MySpace or whoever got ownership. Others assumed their content was in the public domain - so no copyrights exist at all - once it is online.

While the copyrights in most people's tweets aren't really worth anything, it is an interesting idea for the content industries to consider: would educating people about their own online IP rights make them more respectful of other people's?

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A LOAD MORE JACKO
And so, back to Jacko, and another helping of updates from the world of the late Michael Jackson.

And first the ongoing investigations into what it was that caused the king of pop's sudden demise. And the singer's personal physician, Dr Conrad Murray, remains in the spotlight in that regard. Following the news that the doc's offices had been raided by the feds earlier in the week, court documents have surfaced in which the authorities have formally recognised Murray as a possible suspect in a possible manslaughter case.

In some ways we already knew this, Murray's own attorney said as much when commenting on the aforementioned office raids. But the court papers do formalise the fact that Murray, who police previously said was not a suspect, is still an important figure in the LAPD's investigations.

He's not, of course, been formally arrested or anything so far, and he is certainly cooperating with investigators. As previously reported, his legal rep told reporters earlier this week: "The coroner wants to clear up the cause of death; we share that goal. Based on Dr Murray's minute-by-minute and item-by-item description of Michael Jackson's last days, he should not be a target of criminal charges". It seems the doc's fate, though, will rely on those previously reported toxicology test results, expected later this month.

On other Jacko matters, it's been reported by TMZ that Rebbie Jackson - Michael's eldest sister and one of the least well known of the Jackson clan - may take over the day-to-day parenting on her late brother's three children, Prince Michael, Paris and Blanket. As previously reported, custody of the three kids went to Jacko's 79 year old mother in his will, but it's thought 59 year old Rebbie might do much of the caring. Las Vegas based Rebbie has reportedly been "deeply involved" in the three children's lives for years.

And talking of Jackson offspring, as previously reported, it's been claimed that in addition to the three youngsters, the late singer had another son, the now 25 year old Omer Bhatti. He claims that he was born after Jacko had a one night stand with his mother in Oslo in 1984. Although the Jackson clan seem to be in the dark regarding Omer's origins, it seems the possible son did spend quite a bit of time with Jacko over the years, often spending Christmas at the singer's Neverland ranch.

Commenting on reports that his brother fathered a fourth child, Jermaine Jackson told the Sun this week: "If Omer's his son, he's his son. We won't deny it. We are going to give him the same amount of love and care that we give Prince and Paris and Blanket. I can't clearly say if he is Michael's but I saw this kid around him". So there you go.

And one last bit of Jacko for you now, again courtesy of TMZ. They say that AEG Live, promoters of the doomed Jackson O2 residency of course, have filed legal papers asking to be present at the court hearing to discuss Jackson's estate on 3 Aug. That has led to speculation the promoter might make a claim against the Jacko estate, possibly to get back some or all of the advance it paid to the singer ahead of the O2 shows that never happened. Given past claims of a desire to collaborate with the Jackson family on a Jacko tribute show and 'This Is It' DVD, it will be interesting to see how AEG go about fostering a working relationship with the pop family at the same time as possibly suing the Michael Jackson estate.

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NEW MOZART COMPOSITIONS DISCOVERED
Two pieces of music written for piano have been identified as the work of Mozart by experts at the International Mozarteum Foundation in Austria.

No further information has yet been released, but a spokeswoman for the organisation said that full details would be revealed at a press conference on 2 Aug, where the pieces would be performed on the composer's original fortepiano.

As previously reported, another newly discovered work by Mozart was performed for the first time in January after being found in a library in the French city of Nantes.

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WINEHOUSE: I'M TOO SHORT TO PUNCH DANCERS
Amy Winehouse spent her first day at Westminster Magistrate's Court to face those previously reported charges of assault yesterday. It started well with her pirouetting for the judge. Winehouse is accused of punching Sherene Flash at a Princes Trust charity ball in London last summer, after Flash asked her to pose for a photograph.

Flash claims that she had gone to the singer's dressing room shortly after midnight and politely asked to pose with her, while her friend, Kiaran Connolly, took the photo. Explaining what she claims happened next, Flash told the court: "She punched me forcefully in my right eye. She used a fist, her right one. I started crying with shock. I couldn't open my eye for a while". The prosecution added that Winehouse had acted with "deliberate and unjustifiable violence".

However, Winehouse says otherwise, claiming that while Flash had been drunk and spoken rudely to her, she did not punch the fan. Pointing out that Flash is several inches taller than her, Winehouse went on to argue that she couldn't have punched Flash in the way she claims because she's just too short. The singer told the judge: "Miss Flash came over and put her arm around me. She lent down. She's taller than me. I had flat shoes on". She then left the witness box and twirled for the judge to show off her shoes, before continuing:"I'm probably 5ft 2ins to 3ins tall. But my hair does make a difference. I had shoes on like this. In fact these are the very shoes I had on that night. Look, they don't even have a sole. They don't have a heel".

She added: "She kneeled down to try to pose next to me. Her friend came round in front. I said, 'Do I get a choice? Hello?' I wanted her away from me. It was like, 'Leave me. I'm scared of you'. I said I would be back in two minutes. It's just then she lent down all over me and put her face next to mine. She made her friend walk round to take a photograph. It's just rude. My bodyguard was keeping an eye on what was going on. He stepped in. It was like, 'Let that girl be, she's drunk'. People are just rude or just mad these days. Or people can't handle drink".

Flash admitted to the court that she had been "tipsy" on champagne, while Connolly said that he had been "hammered".

The trial continues.

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OASIS TAKING LEGAL ADVICE OVER 'STORM OFF' STORIES
Oasis are reportedly taking legal advice over those reports that Liam Gallagher stormed off stage in a huff at Oasis' iTunes Live gig in London earlier this week. Some dodgy news outlets (not us, surely?) reported that Gallagher stormed off stage after some alleged students in the audience threw beer at the singer.

As we responsibly pointed out at the time, while the Oasis frontman did shout at some beer throwing fans in the audience, a spokesman for the band said that was not linked to Gallagher's departure from the stage, which was scheduled. Said spokesman told the Beeb: "Liam did not storm off stage. He always leaves during Noel's songs".

Another spokesperson has again stressed there was no storming off at the gig, telling reporters: "Liam put on one of the performances of his life last night, leaving the stage only for a few minutes during songs sung by his brother Noel as is always the case", and adding that a recording of the gig to be shown on ITV would show that to be the case. Another statement on the Oasis website, meanwhile, said the band were actively considering consulting the tedious legal types at London law firm Carter Ruck about taking some sort of libel action against those who reported the alleged storm off as fact.

Of course Noel Gallagher did subsequently blog that his brother hadn't been in the best of moods during the iTunes show, suggesting that the full moon might have been the cause. Given no legal action is being discussed regarding those comments, are we to assume Liam Gallagher is a werewolf, fact?

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NAS TOLD TO PAY KELIS FORTY GRAND A MONTH
According to AllHipHop.com, Nas has been ordered to pay his ex-wife $39,500 a month in child care and the like until another court hearing to discuss the financial settlement of the hip hop couple's divorce in September. He's also been told to pay his ex's $45,000 legal bill in relation to their somewhat acrimonious divorce.

The ruling, made in the LA court this week, is something of a defeat for Nas, whose legal people had proposed a $20,000 a month payment until the September hearing. But the judge said Kelis, who gave birth to the couple's first child this week, should be able to live the same sort of life as she had while married. And that life, it seems, costs forty grand a month.

That said, Kelis' people are ultimately pushing for $80,000 a month, so the court's ruling may not be good news as far as the new mum is concerned either. I mean, just forty grand a month - better stock up on economy line nappies.

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CZECH REPUBLIC WITHDRAW FROM EUROVISION
The Czech Republic has announced that it will no longer enter the Eurovision Song Contest due to a lack of interest in the country.

Since its debut in the contest in 2007, The Czech Republic has not faired well, failing to ever make the final and this year becoming the first country for five years to score nil points in the semi final. Despite this, a spokesman for Czech Television told the BBC that poor viewing figures had been the reason for the decision to withdraw from the competition.

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BLUR OVER FOR NOW
Blur's Alex James has said that the band, as was suggested on stage at T In The Park by Damon Albarn, currently have no plans to play live or record again.

He told the BBC: "[The recent reunion shows were] what we said we'd do and we did it and it was great. It hasn't been mentioned the idea of doing anything else but hey, it was great. I've spent the last week staring at a bonfire muttering to myself. I haven't been able to contain the joy that it brought to all of us. It was very, very emotional. Everything we hoped it would be and more".

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EMPIRE OF THE SUN SPLIT?
There has been speculation online that Empire Of The Sun might split before they've even really got going, though we're not sure how accurate that speculation is.

Rumours seem to centre on the fact one half of The Sun - Nick Littlemore - did not appear with bandmate Luke Steele at a gig during a solar eclipse in Australia this week. This led to speculation of tension between the duo - with sources claiming they'd fallen out as a result of Steele's refusal to tour with the outfit.

This is a bit confusing though, given it had already been announced that when Empire Of The Sun appear at the Aussie touring festival Parklife later this year, only the "anti-touring" Steele will appear, because Littlemore will be busy working on his other project Pnau. That would suggest Steele's solo performance this week may have always been the plan, and not the result of some recent falling out.

When the Sun announced their Steele-only live show plans for Parklife, Littlemore gave it his seal of approval, telling fans: "We created the music as a celebration, this is an exciting new chapter in the Empire journey".

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ANTHRAX VOCALIST DENIES RESIGNATION
Former Anthrax vocalist Dan Nelson has issued a statement refuting claims made in separate statement published by the other members of the band last week saying that he was seriously ill and had resigned from the band.

As a result of last week's statement, the band have now cancelled all upcoming tour dates, except for the Sonisphere festival on 1 Aug, when they will perform with "good friend" John Bush, and have also pushed back the release date of their new album, 'Worship Music, which had been planned for October.

Nelson told Blabbermouth: "On the advice of counsel, I have remained silent to the statements issued by Anthrax in recent days and now must address these issues to my loyal fans and others. I want to set the record straight. I was never seriously ill or sick at all, as reported in Anthrax's July 17 press release. This extremely inflammatory statement hurt me tremendously. This statement misled fans, friends and family members into believing that I was seriously ill when I was not",

He continued: "I was not aware such a statement was being issued and it came as a total shock to me, as I'm sure it did to all of you. It was the other band members' decision to cancel the tour dates, not mine. I was ready, willing and able to do my job. After issuing the press release, the other band members decided, on their own accord, that I had 'resigned' from the band. I never resigned from the band".

He concluded:"Even in view of this action and stance taken by the band, as late as earlier today I made it clear that I was ready willing and able to continue to fulfil my obligations. After that offer was made, the most recent press release was issued which announced my 'confirmed' departure from the band. I was not aware of the contents of this release until after it was issued, nor was I aware that Anthrax was cancelling the European and Slipknot tours. I regret any disappointment and confusion this situation has caused".

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PEREZ ANNOUNCES FIRST SIGNING
Perez Hilton has announced the first signing to his new Warner Music subsidiary Perezcious Music, French pop type Sliimy. Hilton apparently discovered the singer last year when he emailed the celebrity blogger his cover version of Britney Spears' 'Womanizer'.

Says Perez: "I think that his music will make a lot of people smile. It's good, adult, quirky pop".

Sliimy has been confirmed as support at some European shows for Britney Spears and Katy Perry.

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ARCTIC MONKEYS VIDEO STUFF
Arctic Monkeys have posted two videos to promote their new single 'Crying Lighting'. The first is a behind-the-scenes clip from the filming of the Richard Ayoade directed video for the song, which is online on the NME blog now here. The second is a clip of the video itself, which is due to go live at www.babelgum.com later today. The full video premieres on Channel 4 tonight, I think.

The single itself is already out there in download land, of course, and is on Spotify. Personally I thought it was a bit disappointing, but what do I know?

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JAY-Z ON GLASTO, FIRST US FESTIVAL SET
Jay-Z has been chatting about his headline set at last year's Glastonbury Festival. And he seems quite happy with his performance there. He told Radio 1: "I felt like breaking down the barriers. There's a few people that wanted to see the concert and everything in its traditional form but that's not the way of the world. It felt like once I got to the people, they were excited. I had to be good. I was so focused on that. Just to really perform and put it out there".

So that's nice. Jay-Z will make his first ever festival appearance in the US next week when he plays the All Points West fest in Jersey City. He's stepping into the Friday night headline slot after the Beastie Boys were forced to cancel at the last minute because of Adam Yauch's previously reported cancer diagnosis.

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FESTIVAL REVIEW: LATITUDE 2009
I arrived Friday, just as the sky cleared, and headed straight to the Sunrise stage, set mystically back between the trees and across the lake from the main arena, and set down to watch my first two sets of the day. The first performance came from American Juliette Commagere with her solo project, showing off a delightful mix of 70s synth pop with a touch of country, while London-based folksters Kurran And The Wolfnotes followed with an abundance of catchy melodies heavily drenched in beautiful harmonies; both acts proved to be a perfect start to the weekend.

After an afternoon of exploring the picturesque settings and taken in the random sights (coloured sheep to be precise), CMU favourite Regina Spektor took to the main stage. Despite the ongoing rain, Regina managed to lighten the mood and was clearly happy to be back playing Latitude; giving us a mix of the new, like the sombre ballad 'Blue Lips', and classics, like 'Fidelity', 'Better' and 'That Time' - during which she took to playing the guitar instead of the piano, forgetting how to play all of the song, but endearingly so.

Bat For Lashes headlined the Uncut tent, which was unsurprisingly completely packed out when she took to the stage. Despite my best efforts to work my way in, I eventually settled on a spot just outside of the tent. Nevertheless, Natasha Khan sounded amazing and added a dreamlike soundtrack to the already enchanting surroundings.

First thing Saturday I set off, sort of at random, to watch Alan Pownall. Having never heard of him previously, his folky-croony melodies and a triumphant cover of Michael Jackson's 'The Way You Make Me Feel' definitely won me over, sending me off to the Uncut Stage with a smile on my face. I was going in that general direction to watch Mika. Purely out of curiosity, honest. Although failing to impress me personally, and frequently teetering on the very verge of irritating, Mika's performance definitely stood out - he is forever the showman - and pulling in a huge crowd, mainly made up of families and children, which nicely illustrated the diversity of this festival.

Broken Records, hotly tipped as Edinburgh's answer to Arcade Fire, were over on the main stage. Definitely not disappointing, they managed to create big, epic instrumental sounds whilst still remaining slightly poppy, with vocals not dissimilar to Brandon Flowers. Meanwhile Bombay Bicycle Club, headlining the smaller Lakeside stage, picked up the pace, their unique indie sounds pulling in a much younger audience with plenty of crowd surfing. This proved to be one of the more energetic performances of the festival and definitely one of my favourites.

Main stage headliner Grace Jones continued the upbeat pace of Saturday, making a change from the laid back feel of the previous day. With a dramatic entrance and numerous costume changes there was definitely an atmosphere, though she struggled to completely engage the audience, possibly because of the weather - many drifted away during the set, defeated by the rain.

Sunday saw great performances from headliners Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds and Gossip, though the main highlight came from Radiohead's Thom Yorke. Kicking off with his solo set at noon, and with the weather staying clear and sunny the whole way through, this was a perfect set for a Sunday afternoon. Thom treated us with a mixture of songs from solo album 'The Eraser' and a few Radiohead classics, with a performance that was unusually laid back, though his musical abilities still stood out with him switching between guitar, keyboard and piano throughout and looping his own drumbeats. Uncharacteristically interactive with the crowd, Thom finished off by saying: "I thought this was a nuts idea, that's why I did it". GS

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BMG ACQUIRE CROSSTOWN
The increasingly acquisitive BMG Rights Management, the really rather interesting new music rights business owned by German media firm Bertelsmann, has acquired another dish full of publishing rights, this time the 8000 songs owned by US music publisher Crosstown Songs America, which includes big hits like Britney Spears' 'Toxic', Ricky Martin's 'Livin' La Vida Loca' and Sheryl Crow's 'All I Wanna Do'.

It's the first acquisition since BMG's recent announcement that investment firm Kohlberg Kravis Roberts & Co had been cut into the business, providing funds for new catalogue purchases. Confirming the Crosstown deal, BMG chief man Hartwig Masuch said: "The acquisition of Crosstown represents a significant first step for the new joint venture and our desire to define a new business standard in managing the licensing and administration of content rights".

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HOSTESS BOSS ON HIS BEGGARS PARTNERSHIP
Yeah, so when we quoted the boss of Japanese music distribution company Hostess yesterday, bigging up his new partnership with the Beggars Group, we were obviously actually quoting another rep from the London-based indie, given the quote said "it's very exciting to be working with Hostess". Doh. That was Beggars' Japanese label manager David Wasserman speaking.

This is what Hostess founder Andrew Lazonby had to say about the news that his company would now distribute Beggars releases in Japan: "Hostess is committed to constantly developing the viable alternative route to success for those we represent and work with and improving the range and quality of services and support we can offer. It's a great boost therefore to be able to welcome Beggars, their labels and artists back to Hostess and to get the opportunity to work with David, whose progress over the past year or two we've both followed and admired. Looking forward to getting going".

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ILIKE DOWNLOAD STORE RUMOURED
Music sharing and recommendation whatnot iLike, perhaps best known for its Facebook app, is reportedly planning to launch its own download store. Previously, of course, iLike has provided music recommendations and news snippets to iTunes users.

Word has it iLike are close to doing deals with three of the four majors regarding its own download operation, though a spokeswoman for the Seattle-based company was a bit vague when asked about the rumours, saying this week: "iLike engages in ongoing discussions with the labels about a variety of ways we might work together. While we don't discuss the specifics... I can tell you that our goal remains the same: to facilitate music discovery and consumption across the web".

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CHERYL NOT INTERESTED IN ABDUL'S IDOL SEAT
Girl Aloud Cheryl Cole has reportedly knocked back a £4 million offer to replace Paul Abdul as a judge on 'American Idol'. Speculation has been rife about the token girl judge on the pop talent show since Abdul's manager revealed earlier this year it was not certain his client would return to the show in 2010.

Gossips say TV execs are impressed by Cole's judging appearances on 'X-Factor' in the UK, and her rapport with 'X-Factor' supremo and 'Idol' judge in chief Simon Cowell. But, despite Girls Aloud being on something of a hiatus at the moment, sources say Cole has turned down what could have been a big break into US telly, partly because she wants to focus on her own solo album, and partly because it would have necessitated spending a lot of time in the US away from footballer husband Ashley Cole. And we all know what happens when Cheryl leaves Ashley to his own devices.

A friend of the singer tells the Daily Express: "Cheryl hasn't had any TV meetings since she's been over their. It would mean she would have to leave Britain. She wouldn't leave Ashley behind. She's there to work on her new album. She only wants to focus on her music".

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FUCKING BPI (OR PRS, OR POSSIBLY YOUTUBE)
It has to be hugely irritating as a major label signed artist to post your own video onto YouTube, only to have it blocked by the Google-owned video whatnot because of their ongoing squabble with the PRS. Irritating enough to send Calvin Harris into Twitter rant overdrive in fact. Though in his anger he did start ranting at the wrong people.

Harris got onto the micro-blogging service yesterday and ranted thus: "YouTube have now removed the ORIGINAL mix and video of 'Ready For The Weekend', due to a 'copyright claim'. IT'S MY FUCKING SONG YOU ABSOLUTE BASTARDS. This is enough to tip me over the edge, I'm not joking. There are videos up there that other people have uploaded of the same song, and they haven't been removed!? But mine does! It's the fucking BPI".

He continued: "FUCK YOU 'The BPI' what have you ever done for anybody you useless shower of cunts. Fantastic use of time combating piracy by removing my own videos, what a fucking revelation. Fuck the torrent sites, this is the way forward. The BPI are the worst organisation to ever walk the earth and their setup is shambolic and their online employees are all massive retards. This is unbelievable, and it seems I am completely powerless to do anything. Sony have done nothing, the BPI have done nothing".

Hatching a plan to tackle the issue head on he continued: "I'm going to drive my car into the big window in the BPI's offices on my way to the studio this morning. I'm going to hire a 4x4 for the day so I make more of an impact, and hopefully reach the online monkeys at the back of the office. Then I'm going to jump out the sunroof and get busy with a frying pan. OR WOK".

Of course there were two issues with Calvin's rants. First, the BPI's offices are up two flights of stairs, so I'm not sure the ram-raiding plan was really a goer. Maybe a helicopter attack. Plus of course the YouTube squabble is with PRS not BPI - so it's the PRS who are a useless shower of cunts. Their offices do have an entirely ram-raidable front window, though I'm sure they'd like me to point out it is Google who decided to block premium video content on YouTube in the UK because of ongoing royalty squabbles, and PRS have urged them to put videos live again while royalty negotiations continue. That possibly makes Google the useless shower of cunts. But don't tell them I said so, we run our email system via Google.

Anyway, Calvin did calm down and apologise to the BPI for his earlier comments. He tweeted later: "Ok I got a bit caught up in the heat of the moment. Sorry to employees of the BPI who aren't massive retards. But please put my video back". Whoever it is to blame, like I say, the whole YouTube situation has to be frustrating as an artist who just wants to share their video with their fans. All I can suggest is Calvin starts using CMU-Tube enablers MUZU. No one will take your video down there, Calvin.

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NO BLUNT PARODY ON YANKOVIC HITS ALBUM
Talking of Twitter comms - CMU-approved comedy singer 'Weird' Al Yankovic has told his followers that one of his more popular pop parodies, 'You're Pitiful', a rework of James Blunt's 'You're Beautiful', won't be appearing on an upcoming greatest hits album because the Blunt man won't allow it. Yankovic tweeted thus: "In case you were hoping for 'You're Pitiful' to be included on my Essentials collection, sorry, this just in from Blunt's manager: 'Thanks for your email, but both James and I will never approve this parody to be released on any label'".

Don't they know that parody is the highest form of flattery? "Oh, look at me. I'm James Blunt. I've have no sense of humour and neither does my manager. Nur, nur, nur". See? Flattering.

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BOYLE SINGLE NOT DECIDED, LABEL CONFIRMS
Big news now. A spokesperson for Simon Cowell's Syco label has confirmed that they have not yet decided what 'Britain's Got Talent' runner up Susan Boyle's debut single will be. Told you it was big.

In other news, I can confirm that I have also not decided what my first single will be. Neither has anyone else in the CMU office. And you can quote me on that.

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