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Top Stories
German record companies lose private copying claim
Brown associates criticise Rihanna comments
In The Pop Courts
LA judge orders Timberlake to testify in stalking case
Jackson senior wants allowance from Jacko estate
Awards & Contests
Moir named Bigot Of The Year by Stonewall
Uncut Award winner announced
Reunions & Splits
Steven Tyler out of Aerosmith?
In The Studio
A Fucked Up Christmas
Release News
Debut album from Art Brut side project
Films N Shows News
Ray Davies writing Kinks musical
Gigs N Tours News
Morrissey storms off stage after idiot incident
Britney people hit back at Aussie gig walk-out claims
Echo & The Bunnymen cancel US tour
The Music Business
Dubai SoundCity reaches its climax
EMI Publishing appoint new Canada chief
Environmental impact of digital music needs to be investigated
The Digital Business
CTS ticketing announce partnership with iTunes
Deezer launch subscription service and mobile functionality
The Media Business
Amazing Radio complain to the Trust over BBC introducing
Chart Of The Day
Chart update
And finally...
Mark Owen weds
Morrissey one of the great wordsmiths
Advertising info
Consulting info
CMU Credits + Contacts

MaJiKer, aka Matthew Ker, is the British production talent behind Camille (the rather successful French popstress, not the former La Clique singer and Edinburgh Fringe favourite - though both have been getting more attention in the UK of late). He helped produce Camille's award winning 2005 album 'Le Fil' and produced and co-wrote her 2008 outing 'Music Hole'. But he's an accomplished musician in his own right, recently releasing album 'Body-Piano-Machine' via Gaymonkey Records. His live shows are really arty affairs, incorporating both theatre and visual art, all of which will be on show tonight when he plays the ICA in London. Ahead of that gig we asked Ker our Same Six Questions.
Q1 How did you start out making music?
I've always made music. I learned piano and percussion from a young age. As a kid, I used to regularly perform in school orchestras and bands. I started experimenting with recording music in my early teens, and after studying at Dartington College Of Arts for three years, I started to focus in on developing as a producer. This eventually led to me producing all kinds of intriguing pop music, including two albums for French singer Camille, and more recently my own album 'Body-Piano-Machine'.

Q2 What inspired your latest single?
On most of the songs on my album, I sing about 'bodies', 'pianos' and 'machines', exploring the relationship between them in playful and provocative ways. My new single, 'Tongue', however, feels less metaphoric and more directly personal. I'm pleading with someone I care about to express themselves, to stop being so reserved and repressed: to let me in and to let their feelings out. The tongue is not only a sensual organ, but also the one that is used to communicate verbally, and I liked this dual meaning. At one point during the song, I start 'speaking in tongues'. This is actually a text I wrote, which I had translated into Finnish. Even if the content is incomprehensible to everyone (including Finns!), it doesn't matter: the song is about an inability to communicate and somehow Finnish has always been a very mysterious and elusive language to me.

Q3 How do you go about creating a track?
For this album it was a specific method: all tracks started out as instrumental grooves. I would create loops of body percussion, human beatbox and synth riffs from my machine (my childhood Yamaha keyboard). Much later, as the pieces took shape, I would add in piano patterns and eventually find the topline, usually taking great care over the lyrics to make sure they were not lazy or too obvious, and that they fitted with the overall concept of the album. I do not always work like this, and am equally happy sitting at my piano with a finished lyric sheet, and "doing an Elton".

Q4 Which artists influence your work?
For my production, all music I hear helps to enrich my production palette, especially stuff that has provoked a strong reaction in me (negative or positive). It's all about having choices, and finding fresh ways to make things sound as powerful and evocative as possible. So I listen to an enormous amount of new music, from pop hits to dubstep, from contemporary opera to hip-hop... For my stage show, I have been partly inspired by the stage work of Laurie Anderson, Kate Bush, David Bowie etc. I play my catchy pop songs with a theatrical and physically rich performance. I feel like this kind of work was exceptionally vibrant in the late 70s / early 80s, and having performed my own show for the past two years in France, we've seen that audiences are thrilled to see something more than just a typical pop gig.

Q5 What would you say to someone experiencing your music for the first time?
"Thanks for listening!" And "Come see the stage show to get the full experience".

Q6 What are your ambitions for your latest album, and for the future?
More of the same! I'm looking forward to getting this album heard by new open ears. I'd love to perform more next year, to share this crazy stage show with new people. It's a really entertaining and interactive set. As body percussion is so visual, I think it maybe helps some people to enter into my artistic world by seeing 'in the flesh' how I use my body to make music. For the future, I hope I'll always be producing and writing with the most interesting new artists I can find, as well as creating my own projects. I'm looking forward to exploring my own voice more on future projects. I'm quite new to singing solo, so it's like a whole new vocal world to discover.

MORE>> and

So, I rushed across Dubai on Saturday night to try and see Canadian singer songwriter Dan Mangan do his thing. But, having spent most of the day telling everyone how I'd yet to come across one of these famous Dubai traffic jams all the locals talked about, our cab driver drove straight into deadlock.
That, added to by an eight minute discussion with our driver, on arrival at the Festival City venue, as to whether this large shopping centre was really the place we were meant to be ("we're looking for a lagoon with a stage in it, right?", our cab driver looked perplexed), meant that by the time we found the right stage Dan was reaching the close of his set. Still, we'd get to hear the set closer 'Robots', that was certain. Except, wait, what's that in the distance? Oh, the tea time call to prayer at the shopping mall's prayer room. Sorry Dan, Mr Sound Guy says, however good your Robots may be, Allah wouldn't want you drowning out the prayers. I will miss Mangan's London set at the Canadian Blast event at Puregroove Records on West Smithfield in London tonight (from 7pm) not because of jams or prayer, but academic commitments. But you guys should go and enjoy his cleverly-penned toe-tapping sing-along repertoire when he plays with fellow Canada-based musician Kae Sun at the record store tonight. Or, if your traffic reporter or god of choice says otherwise, join me by streaming said quality tunes on this here MySpace.

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You see, it's claims like this that give the music industry a bad name. The German record industry has failed in an attempt to make digital private copying illegal.

Under current German copyright rules there is nothing to stop consumers from ripping tracks off CDs to their PC or iPod, providing the copies are for private use. In the UK all private copying is illegal, while in some other European countries it is allowed but a levy is charged on recording devices such as blank tapes and CDR - though proposals to apply a similar levy to iPods etc has proved controversial.

During the 2006 Gowers Review of British copyright law record label trade body the BPI admitted the ban on private copying was a silly law, and that no content owner would ever take action against someone who broke it. Still, some in the UK music industry have still proposed introducing a licence, paid by digital music player manufacturers, to compensate them if and when the private copying ban is removed, a variation on the aforementioned European levy system.

Those proposals, and the German industry's efforts to make digital private copying illegal there, are both a bit dim. You can't stop anyone from making private copies, and trying to enforce a new licence or levy for private copying will once again pit the music industry against the PR skills of Apple et al, the result of which will be everyone hating the music industry even more: why should iPod owners who only buy their music off iTunes be paying a levy for private copies they never make? And anyway, given CD sales are in terminal decline the commercial value of any levy will be limited and have a very short life-span, as it will soon become redundant.

All that said, the German record industry's efforts to make digital private copying illegal failed not because of the proposal's dimness, but because of legal technicalities. The German law that allows users to make digital copies of CDs for private use was first confirmed in 2003, and then reconfirmed in 2008.

The major record companies filed a complaint to the German Federal Constitutional Court on the issue last December. But said Court says that any complaint of this kind must be filed within twelve months of a law being passed, and that this law, while confirmed in 2008, was passed in 2003. Therefore the record industry's window of opportunity to complain passed in 2004.

Needless to say, Stefan Michalk, as MD of German record industry body BVMI was not impressed by the decision. He told reporters: "The interpretation of the German Federal Constitutional Court is controversial, also among experts of German constitutional law. Before filing the claim we were aware of the risks, but we had to take our chance because the fact of whether private copying is legal or not is of such a big importance for the record business. For us it is still very questionable that the court refused our claim for formal reasons".

As previously reported, the BVMI recently said it was optimistic about the country's recently appointed government's promises to tackle online piracy, even though they have so far ruled out a three-strikes system like that being introduced in the UK and France.

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Associates of Chris Brown are reportedly angry at Rihanna's most confessional interview to date regarding the couple's much reported altercation back in February.

As previously reported, Rihanna has been talking about the Brown beating episode in the last week as she plugs new album 'Rated R'. Her most open interview to date, with broadcaster Diane Sawyer, was aired in the US on Friday night.

In it she spoke candidly about the minutes before Brown let her have it with his fists, confirming he'd got violent after she quizzed him about an SMS message from a mystery woman. The singer told Sawyer that her ex became a different person in a matter of seconds, saying: "It wasn't the same person that says I love you. It was not those... eyes. He had no soul in his eyes - [they were] just blank".

But a number of Brown associates took to the internet this weekend to criticise Rihanna for her latest comments, and contradicting her claim that the dramatic change in the couple's relationship happened in seconds. While presumably not justifying Brown's violence, they reckon the altercation was the result of the couple's increasingly frayed relationship, for which Rihanna is as responsible as Brown.

One of the dancers who has toured with Brown reportedly tweeted: "I wish dancers can speak about things that really go on! Let me just say, Chris Brown was pushed to the extreme!", while another confidante of Brown who knew the couple well simple wrote: "Shame on Rihanna".

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An LA judge has ordered Justin Timberlake to report to court himself as part of a stalking case. Timberlake's legal people have been trying to get a temporary restraining order against one Karen McNeil, whom they accuse of harassing the star, made permanent. The lawyers claim McNeil has showed up at Timberlake's property uninvited on several occasions and caused problems.

But McNeil claims she is an old friend of the pop star, and not an obsessed fan. Timberlake is yet to take to the witness stand in relation to the stalking claims and, according to, the judge hearing the case has ordered him to testify. But the popster's lawyers reckon he shouldn't need to, and are reportedly trying to have the judge taken off the case as a result of his Timberlake testimony demands.

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Joe Jackson (father of Michael, not the British singer songwriter) has launched a court bid to secure a slice of his late son's estate, alleging that Jacko had provided him with a monthly allowance in recent years.

Joe and Michael were, of course, rather estranged; so much so Jacko cut his father out of his will, leaving his fortune to his mother Katherine and his three children, via a trust fund. While Joe and Katherine Jackson never divorced, they have lived apart for over a decade. The exact nature of their relationship isn't really clear, though it does seem to be civil and there were rumours that Joe was pushing for Katherine to have a greater say of their late son's estate in a bid to gain more control himself by proxy.

Whatever, legal papers submitted on behalf of the Jackson patriarch says that prior to his death Jacko gave his parents a £37,500 monthly allowance which was split between Joe and Katherine. Allowance provisions made since the late king of pop's death have only provided for Katherine, however. Joe's legal papers say there is "no justification" for his exclusion from any allowances paid out of the estate to the Jackson family, and that he is "entitled to his own independent family allowance".

He says he has monthly expenses of £9460 and needs a contribution from the estate to cover a bulk of that sum. Joe's lawyers say this shouldn't be a problem because the Jacko estate "earned more than £62.5 million dollars in [just] the first seven weeks following Michael Jackson's death".

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Jan Moir's colleagues at the Daily Mail are sure to be super envious of the paper's controversial columnist - she's just taken the Bigot Of The Year prize at the annual awards staged by gay rights organisation Stonewall. That prize is presumably second only to the Pulitzer when you write for the Mail. So well done Jan. Though she will have to share the award with a priest called Father John Owen who apparently said that most paedophiles were gay, which is an interesting claim, given I was under the impression most paedophiles were priests. No, only joking.

Anyway, Moir won the prize, obviously, for her controversial column published the day before Stephen Gately's funeral, in which she implied the Boyzoner's sudden death was due to his dangerously gay lifestyle, and that his passing disproved hitherto unheard of myths surrounding civil partnerships. For the record, Moir subsequently argued that she wasn't homophobic, rather she was just a shit writer who came across as being bit homophobic as a result of her inability to string words together in a sentence. Well, I'm paraphrasing what she said slightly there.

Elsewhere at the Stonewall event, Boyzone took the prize for Entertainers Of The Year, a gong presumably designed to pay tribute primarily to the late Gately, and as a result picked up by his civil partner Andrew Cowles.

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Uncut magazine has announced the winner of its annual Music Award, which goes to the artist behind the album that the award's judges consider to be the most inspirational and rewarding of the year. Unlike Mercury-style award events artists of all nationalities are considered, and on the short list this year were the likes of Kings Of Leon, Bob Dylan, Wilco, Animal Collective, Dirty Projectors, Grizzly Bear and The Low Anthem. But the winner was African bluesy drumming outfit Tinariwen for their fourth album 'Imidiwan: Companions'. Which is rather swell.

Commenting on his band's win, bandmember Ibrahim Ag Alhabib told CMU: "This makes us really really happy, all of us, and I'm glad that this important magazine should recognise our music. It gives us the strength to carry on working and spreading the message about the peace of our desert home, and I'm glad that our music can cross the frontiers and talk to people around the world. Thanks very very much".

Meanwhile Uncut's Editor Allan Jones added: "With so much great music to chose from, the judges' task this year was extremely difficult, but in the end, the panel was unanimous in voting for Imidiwan. It's a fantastically exciting record, full of great, powerful music, passionately and brilliantly played. It had everything the judges were looking for in a potential winner".

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Aerosmith guitarist Joe Perry, who previously denied that criticism he had made about Steven Tyler meant the band was disbanding, has now announced the frontman has quit the group.

Perry was previously negative about his bandmate after Tyler forced two lots of Aerosmith live dates to be cancelled because of injuries, the second caused when the rocker fell off stage. Perry also complained that Tyler had failed to keep the rest of Aerosmith up to date with his health, and what it meant for future touring commitments. Nevertheless, the guitarist denied rumours the band were about to split.

But following one last show at the Abu Dhabi grand prix the weekend before last, Perry now says Tyler has quit the band. Perry: "Steven quit as far as I can tell. I don't know any more than you do about it. I got off the plane two nights ago. I saw online that Steven said that he was going to leave the band. I don't know for how long, indefinitely or whatever. Other than that, I don't know".

Certainly it seems the aforementioned communication issues remain. Perry: "He's notorious for [not communicating]. That's one thing I've learned to live with. I try to overlook it. I like to pick my battles".

However, if Tyler has, indeed, quit Aerosmith, Perry is hopeful the band will continue in one form or another. He continued: "Right now I'm adjusting to how we're going to go on. Aerosmith is such a powerful band, I mean it's like a steam locomotive. You just can't disregard 40 years of four guys who play together as well as we do. We're just trying to - at least I am - trying to figure out what direction the band should take".

He continued: "As far as replacing Steve, it's not just about that, it's also four guys that play extremely well together, and I'm not going to see that go to waste. I really don't know what path it's going to take at this point, but we'll probably find somebody else that will sing in those spots where we need a singer and then we'll be able to move the Aerosmith up a notch, move the vibe up a notch".

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Fucked Up are using the money they got when they won this year's Polaris Prize (the Canadian Mercury) to re-record 'Do They Know It's Christmas?' in aid of various charities. As tradition dictates, this will be a celebrity affair, though the line up will please the average muso a lot more than past versions of the iconic charity record.

Speaking to Vulture, Fucked Up frontman Pink Eyes revealed: "[We already have] David Cross, members of Vampire Weekend, TV On The Radio, Broken Social Scene, the GZA, Bob Mould, No Age, and Yo La Tengo all confirmed. I'm still waiting on confirmation from Feist, Jarvis Cocker and MIA. We wanted the biggest people we could get. If we could get a Jonas Brother on this, I would get a Jonas Brother".

Fucked Up's label Matador have confirmed the 'Do They Know It's Christmas?' plans, though no word yet on a release date.

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Everybody Was In The French Resistance...Now, which is the side project of Art Brut's Eddie Argos and The Blood Arm's Dyan Valdes, will release an album called 'Fixin The Charts' in January. And look, we have a track listing for you right now...

Creeque Allies
G.I.R.L.F.R.E.N (You Know I've Got A)
(I'm So) Waldo P Emerson Jones
The Scarborough Affaire
Billie's Genes
Think Twice (It's Not Alright)
Hey Its Jimmy Mack
He's A "Rebel"
Coal Digger
My Way (Is Not Always The Best Way)
Walk Alone

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Ray Davies has said he is considering a TV talent contest to find the lead for a Kinks musical he is developing, though it's possible he was joking. Davies has revealed he is writing a stage show about his childhood, his turbulent relationship with brother and onetime band mate Dave Davies, and the rise of his band in the sixties.

Talking to WENN about the show, he said: "I'm developing a Kinks musical now which is really exciting. It's about the band. People think of the Kinks as these guys in red hunting jackets who sang 'You Really Got Me' and made these weird records, like 'Lola', but it's about us, how we evolved and a certain time in my life when I confronted many of my demons.

He continued: "The issues involved in the show are things that most people are dealing with in their lives and I'm hoping it can connect with audiences on many levels rather than being just a jukebox musical. [But] it will have all the Kinks music because doing a Kinks musical without Kinks music in it would be a ridiculous project".

Asked who he'd like to play the various Kinks in the stage show, Davies said he hadn't yet identified any suitable actors. It was that which led him to remark: "I might have to start a reality contest to find who will play The Kinks"

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So, what do we dwell on here? Morrissey being a moody moaner? Yet another Mozza gig cut short/cancelled? Or idiots who throw things at concerts? Well, the promoters of this gig are blaming the idiot, so perhaps we should too.

Morrissey cut short a gig in Liverpool during his second song this weekend after being hit in the head by a plastic drinks container. I don't think the singer was too badly hurt, but he was mightily pissed off. He immediately told his 8000 strong audience "goodnight" before exiting the stage and never returning.

Management at the Liverpool Echo Arena told reporters that one idiot in the audience had ruined the night for the other 7999 people there, and confirmed that local police had been informed about the incident. Some paying punters would probably say that Morrissey really shouldn't have let one idiot ruin the show, and should have adopted the "show must go on" philosophy.

But one fan quoted by the BBC was more forgiving. He said: "Some people were complaining afterwards because he's been in the game for years and he should be used to it by now. But he's a 50-year-old man who has just been ill and he deserves better than that".

It is not clear if ticket holders can expect a refund, they having only received one and a half songs for their money.

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Britney Spears' people have been busy denying reports that fans walked out of the first of her 14 Australian tour dates in protest at her miming. The promoter of Spears' Australian tour, Paul Dainty, also denied audience members had dubbed the singer's performance as "boring", while adding the reports had left Britney "extremely upset".

Dainty told The Australian newspaper: "Britney is aware of all this and she's extremely upset by it. She's a human being. I'm embarrassed, with such a big international entourage here with Britney, to be part of the Australian media when I see that kind of totally inaccurate reporting".

Meanwhile Spears' manager said all the negative reports stemmed from one review. He wrote on the singer's official Twitter feed: "It's unfortunate that one journalist in Perth didn't enjoy the show last night. Fortunately the other 18,272 fans in attendance did".

Criticism of Spears' miming at her live shows is extra newsworthy in Australia at the moment because a politician in New South Wales, Minister For Fair Trading Virginia Judge, recently said that artists who mime should declare as much on promotional material for their shows. Judge told reporters: "Live means live. If you are spending up to $200, I think you deserve better than a film clip. The NSW government would be happy to look at options, such as a disclaimer on a ticket which would warn consumers a performance is pre-recorded".

But Dainty says it is unfair to target Spears, who makes no secret of the fact she mimes at live shows. He added: "It's been all over the internet for nine months. This show is about an incredible spectacle, which it is".

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Echo & The Bunnymen have cancelled their US tour with just ten days to go because of a tax dispute. Which is very rock n roll.

The dispute with the American Internal Revenue Service relates to fees they charge to bands which tour in the country twice in any one 30-day period. The band played a one-off gig in New York last month, that would force them to pay the fee if they were to return for their new tour this month. What's to stop them claiming the New York gig was an early first date of the new tour I'm not sure.

In a statement, the band said: "It's with the deepest regret that Echo and the Bunnymen have had to cancel their USA November tour. This is due to unreasonable demands presented by the IRS for the band to enter the USA to tour".

The Bunnymen also cancelled their headline set at Dubai SoundCity this weekend, though I'm not sure they can blame that on the tax man. Still, it enabled the infinitely superior Super Furry Animals to headline, which was really rather pleasing for me.

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Talking of which, the CMU-endorsed Dubai SoundCity reached its climax on Saturday with a series of round table debates involving industry delegates and a final day of gigs, headlined by The Wombats and Super Furry Animals playing at the city's Irish Village complex. The first ever music convention in the region seems to have been well received by all, leading to hopes it may become an annual event. CMU's final reports from the convention will appear on the News-Blog later today -

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EMI Music Publishing has appointed one Barbara Sedun, formerly of Manitoba Film & Music, to the job of Senior VP of its Canadian business, overseeing the major's creative and business strategy in the region. So that's nice. She'll be based in Toronto and report into Big Jon Platt, who was recently promoted to the role of President Of Creative for the whole of North America.

Confirming Sedun's appointment, Platt said these words: "We couldn't have found a better leader for our efforts in Canada than Barbara Sedun. She knows the company inside and out, she's respected by songwriters and executives alike, and she'll be a real asset as we look to develop our Canadian business over the coming years".

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One would assume that delivering music over t'internet rather than on plastic disks inside plastic boxes often (these days) wrapped in a cardboard sleeve and some cellophane is somewhat more eco-friendly. But Julie's Bicycle, the London-based body looking at ways to make the music industry more environmentally friendly, says more needs to be done to investigate the carbon emissions of digitally delivered music, and as to whether some sorts of digital music are more green than others.

A new Julie's Bicycle report called 'The Carbon Impacts of Recorded Music In A Time of Transition' reviews existing reports on the environmental impact of recorded music - both that sold physically and that delivered digitally - but provides more questions than answers. Among the questions, according to Music Week, are how do carbon emissions vary according to the way digital music is delivered, what is an acceptable level of carbon emission, and how could those emissions be cut along the supply chain".

You can see the paper at, though what the environmental impact of accessing the site will be I can't say.

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German ticketing giant CTS (the company that won't launch in the UK if the Live Nation / Ticketmaster deal goes ahead) have announced a partnership with iTunes which will see ticket offers bundled in with downloads, and vice versa. Promotions enabled by the new partnership, the first of which is with German emo rockers Tokio Hotel, will be based around CTS's own website. Labels and promoters will both be encouraged to use the website for co-promotion purposes.

CTS VP New Media Malte Blumenthal told CMU: "Concert promoters and record labels have been working closely together for many years in joint efforts to boost the popularity of their artists. Our service is tailored precisely to such cooperation. We are inviting every promoter and record label to experiment with these new marketing opportunities and to reach out to new target groups. We're open to every idea".

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French on-demand streaming service Deezer has launched a subscription package which will let users get higher quality music and no ads - basically it's the same as Spotify's pay-to-use offer. That said, Deezer will offer two price brackets - five and ten euros - the latter of which will also enable users to use the service on their mobile phone (as does the premium Spotify package, of course).

As much reported, an increasing number of digital music services are now basing themselves around a 5-10 pound (dollar/euro) subscription model which provides unlimited streaming, with some also offering mobile compatibility, and others incorporating free MP3 downloads into the monthly fee.

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Amazing Radio, the previously reported UK-wide digital station that only plays music by unsigned artists, who upload their content to the station's website, have made a complaint to the BBC Trust claiming that the Beeb's Introducing strand unfairly competes with their business.

The BBC Introducing brand has been used since 2007 and has outlets on various Corporation-owned radio stations as well as a website. There are also BBC Introducing stages at a number of British music festivals. The aim of the programme is to give new talent exposure via various BBC music platforms.

I think Amazing's claim is based on the fact that BBC Introducing also encourages unsigned bands to upload content to their website to be considered for exposure on BBC Introducing shows. Though even that element precedes Amazing Radio's June launch, I think.

Either way, the boss of the Amazing Media Group, Paul Campbell, who is trying to convince investors to extend the original six month Amazing Radio pilot, has written to the BBC Trust claiming the Corporation is using its licence-fee funded weight to compete with and cripple a commercial service.

According to The Guardian, Campbell writes: "It is an outrage that the BBC should use public funding to copy our concept and, by default, seek to put us out of business. This is to all intents and purposes a direct copy of our privately funded concept. I am dismayed that my former employer should behave in so aggressive a manner towards a private British company. I would ask that the BBC Trust investigate BBC Introducing as a matter of urgency".

However, the BBC has denied Campbell's allegations, and defended its investment in BBC Introducing. A spokeswoman said: "We strongly refute this suggestion. Supporting new talent is at the core of the BBC's mission and BBC Introducing has been offering unique broadcast and performance opportunities to new and unsigned musicians for over two years. We are very proud of the work BBC Introducing does in championing new artists but, as it offers quite different opportunities to other new music schemes, we would encourage new bands to explore all the avenues open to them".

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So, Cheryl Cole has been knocked off the top spot of the singles chart by grads from her telly show, so presumably she won't be too bitter. Yes, JLS go straight in at number one with 'Everybody In Love', pushing Cole's 'Fight For This Love' into second place. I suppose it's nice to know there's lots of love at the top of the singles chart at the moment, as well as all the shit.

Other new entries on the singles chart this week come from Tik Tok with 'Ke$ha' at 6, even though that's not a word; Chase & Status who are at 9 with their Plan B collaboration 'End Credits'; Snow Patrol with 'Just Say Yes' at 15; Journey with 'Don't Stop Believin' at 19; Bon Jovi with 'We Weren't Born To Follow' at 25; Beyonce with 'Broken Hearted Girl' at 27; Chris Brown with 'If You Slap Her Hard She'll Only Whine' at 29*; and Laura White with 'You Should Have Known' at 32.

On the albums chart Ms Cole stays at number 1, with neither Bon Jovi nor the Foo Fighters demonstrating the skills required to kick the Girl Aloud off the top spot. They are at 2 and 4 with 'The Circle' and 'Greatest Hits' respectively. Other new entries come from Katherine Jenkins at 9, Sting at 15, The Bee Gees at 19, Frankie Goes To Hollywood at 27, Nirvana at 32 and Rod Stewart at 35**.

The charts are completely made up by the Official Charts Company.***

*This is not the name of Chris Brown's new single, but will probably be the hidden track on his next album.

**Anyone looking at the new entries on the albums chart and thinking they've some how slipped through a time warp back to 1989, don't worry, it's just the Official Charts Company were listening to my 'Smash Hits Best Of 89' compilation when they were making up this week's chart***.

***Just to stress, The Official Charts Company do not make up the chart.

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Take That's Mark Owen has married his other half Emma Ferguson at a small ceremony near Inverness. A lavish reception followed at the nearby Cawdor Castle. Owen arrived at the church with his three Take That bandmates, while that other one time Take That-er Robbie Williams was also in attendance, though he arrived under his own steam. Obviously with all five Take That boys in da house there were many exclusive photo shoot deals on the table from various c'leb mags, though Owen turned them all down. Which is why you gotta love the Owenster.

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A Scottish academic has proclaimed that Morrissey is the greatest lyricist in the history of British popular music. Dr Gavin Hopps of St Andrews University says Mozza is up there with Samuel Beckett, Philip Larkin and Oscar Wilde as one of the great wordsmiths of British history. The Doc might be right, I suppose, but I bet Wilde didn't storm off in a huff when audience members threw plastic bottles at him.

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