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INFORMATION
Classifieds
CMU Info
TODAY'S NEWS
Top Stories
Judge explains why Terra Firma's Citigroup litigation can take place in the US
Diana Ross's niece claims to be Jacko's daughter
In The Pop Courts
Sunde banned from operating Pirate Bay
Convicted music pirate ordered to pay up
DMX back in prison
Pop Politics
Wyclef Jean considers Haitian presidency
Awards & Contests
Q Awards announced
Reunions & Splits
Love denies any firm plans for full Beach Boys reunion
The Cars to reunite?
Release News
Unreleased Lauryn Hill song appears online
Gigs & Tours News
Professor Green headlines new Academy venue
Pendulum announce December UK arena tour
Dimmu Borgir announce one-off London show
Festival News
Festival line-up update
Reviews
Live review: Soil & "Pimp" Sessions at The Jazz Café in London on 22 Jul
The Digital Business
Jail-breaking iPhones is not copyright infringement
Terry Gilliam to direct Arcade Fire webcast
And finally...
Bon Jovi deny photo shame
Simon Cowell pining for Cheryl, say Jedward


 
WEDNESDAY 28TH JULY
DANDY WARHOLS
Starting out in 1993, The Dandy Warhols released their debut album, 'Dandys Rule OK?', on Tim Kerr Records in 1995, and soon went on to sign with EMI's Capitol Records. Their first release for the label was 'The Dandy Warhols Come Down' in 1997, a release that created enough of global buzz around the band for them to appear on the cover of the very first edition of CMU in May 1998 (in the days when CMU had a cover). The band have just released a new compilation, 'Best Of The Capitol Years: 1995 - 2007', featuring tracks from all four of their releases for the label. To celebrate, we caught up with frontman Courtney Taylor-Taylor to ask the Same Six.

 
Q1 How did you start out making music?
I began with piano and violin at about four years old. There wasn't really anything else that got to me like music did. I grew up riding dirt bikes and shooting BB guns and shit, but music was my thing. My only thing. I began playing drums at nine and played in symphonic bands, jazz bands and marching bands throughout the rest of my schooling. I took up guitar when I was about fifteen and found it easier to write songs on that than the piano, but I didn't actually play guitar in a band until the Warhols.

Q2 What inspired your latest album?
Albums for us are just collections of music that has happened since the last album. I have never just sat down and written an album, the individual songs are what require a direct subject matter or inspiration. Each one, of course, is different, but mostly I write songs to deal with frustration or unhappiness, and if you were to really analyse my lyrics you would probably find that nearly all of that frustration and unhappiness is caused by other people. I guess in that way you could say that other people inspire my records... but mostly in a bad way, really.

Q3 What process do you go through in creating a track?
I usually lay down the basic chord changes, or we lay down the basic instruments together. This is then followed by an eternity of overdubbing as many different sounds and instruments as we can think of, followed by a long and drawn out editing process, followed by mixing the final mix. The whole thing tends to take us a couple years and I'm not sure it's the best way to go about it, but whatever. As Brent [De Boer, drums] and Zia [McCabe, keyboards] write more songs I'm sure the methods will change.

Q4 Which artists influence your work?
I can never really tell. We're so inundated with music that I think it would be impossible to know. Usually this type of question is just an excuse to put in print a lot of bands that one thinks are cool at the time. You know, like Coldplay saying they were influenced by The Clash and Joy Division when really they sound a hell of a lot more like they're influenced by Scott Walker and James Angell.

Q5 What would you say to someone experiencing your music for the first time?
I try not to talk during music. I learned very early in life that music is too distracting for me to keep a train of thought going. I think this is why I have such terrible social skills. Music is virtually everywhere. It is in greater abundance and more accessible than water which is the fundamental building block of life. Weird.

Q6 What are your ambitions for your latest album, and for the future?

Oh, I guess the same as ever: make it awesome, play some great shows, have fun on tour, have great parties, read some good books and continue to write one sentence movie reviews on our website so that our people and fans can waste less time and money on poorly constructed entertainment. God knows there's just so dang much of it out there.

MORE>> www.dandywarhols.com
 
RICA MINAMI
I think the main thing I love about Western-influenced Japanese music is that it contains so many familiar sounds, but those sounds are played with subtle differences that give everything a fresh feel. Often it can just be a closer attention to detail, sometimes it's simply a lack of hipster self-consciousness. I'm never sure if this is an intentional spin or a just down to the fact that people on the opposite sides of the planet hear things differently. Whatever, I like it.

 
The other thing you often find with Japanese artists is that they can take various influences and mix them up in ways that Western artists just couldn't pull off. Rica Minami, though she has been based in London for several years now, is one such musician. Jazz, math-rock drumming and gentle pop all slip together in her songs completely naturally. Often, the songs sound like they were written to be much heavier and then stripped down completely - a perfect example of this being 'Kingyo', which has a breakdown in the middle that you can see creating a frantic mosh pit, if it wasn't played softly on piano rather than thrashed out on a guitar.

She has various live dates coming up, including a performance at Bincho in Soho tonight.

www.myspace.com/ricaminami


 
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JUDGE EXPLAINS WHY TERRA FIRMA'S CITIGROUP LITIGATION CAN TAKE PLACE IN THE US
The US judge who dismissed efforts by Citigroup to move a lawsuit launched against them by Terra Firma, over their EMI acquisition, from New York to London has issued a statement explaining his decision.

As previously reported, Team Terra Firma are suing Citigroup with regards to the advice the crazy bankers gave the equity group while they orchestrated their bid to buy EMI in 2007. They allege the US bank had a conflict of interest because, through different divisions of the firm, they were working for both Terra Firma and EMI.

The key allegation is that Citigroup gave Terra Firma misleading advice at the crucial moment, which made the equity group rush its purchase of the record company. Had that not happened, Terra Firma say, they may not have bought EMI, or at least not at the price they paid for it.

Terra Firma and their top man, Gary 'The Guy' Hands, had previously enjoyed a long and good relationship with Citigroup, but that relationship has turned sour in recent years, mainly - it would seem - because of the EMI venture, which, I think it's fair to say, hasn't worked out quite as groovily as they hoped.

Hands is known to be annoyed that Citigroup have refused to restructure EMI's multi-billion pound loan arrangement, a by-product of his purchase of the music company. The equity chief hoped the bank would follow Terra Firma's lead and take a hit to help buy EMI bosses more time. Terra Firma sued Citigroup not long after it became clear the bankers would not play ball in this regard.

Terra Firma sued in the US, but Citigroup argued that any legal battle should take place in London. They justified that argument by saying the EMI acquisition was a UK deal, so any disagreement relating to it should be heard in the UK court. And they added that a pre-deal agreement between the two companies said as much. Though some commentators on the sideline reckon Citigroup were really trying to piss Hands off by asking for the case to be moved to Britain, because he no longer lives in the UK for tax reasons, making it hard for him to come back to London for long periods of time.

Anyway, as previously reported, Citigroup's efforts to have the case moved to the UK were scuppered in March when US District Judge Jed Rakoff said Terra Firma's lawsuit could, indeed, be heard in a New York court. The judge's reasoning for that decision has only just been published this week.

In his reasoning, Rakoff dismissed the relevance of pre-deal agreements between Terra Firma and Citigroup that said the latter could only sue the former in relation to the deal - should they ever want to - through the London courts. That arrangement, Rakoff said, was not mutual, and only put obligations on Citigroup, not the equity firm.

He added that while the EMI deal may have been done in London, because Citigroup was an American bank Terra Firma's allegations against it were of interest to the American people, and their courts. He wrote: "There is a legitimate US interest in learning whether Citi, a major American bank, may be liable for fraudulent inducement, and thus subject to substantial damages".

A spokesman for Citigroup, Danielle Romero-Apsilos, told Bloomberg yesterday: "We continue to believe that the plaintiff's lawsuit is entirely without merit and we intend to seek its dismissal".

The case is now scheduled to reach court on 18 Oct. Should be interesting.

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DIANA ROSS'S NIECE CLAIMS TO BE JACKO'S DAUGHTER
A niece of Diana Ross has claimed that she is the daughter of Michael Jackson, and she's asked the LA courts to approve a DNA test to prove her paternity claim. If said test proved positive, it seems likely the claimant would push for a cut of the Jacko estate and custody of his other three children.

Mocienne Petit Jackson claims that she was conceived after a then seventeen year old Jacko had sex with her mother, Diana Ross's older sister Barbara, in 1975. It isn't clear if she had any contact with Michael while he was alive, though the alleged daughter does accuse the wider Jackson family of staging a cover up to protect their most famous son's then burgeoning pop career.

In fact, according to TMZ, the claimant alleges that the Jackson clan, led by matriarch Katherine, tried to have her abducted in the mid-eighties amid fears her paternity would be revealed. The court papers go on to claim that the seven people involved in the kidnapping plot were later murdered. Which all sounds a bit outlandish, but there you go.

Mocienne Petit, who says she, like her alleged father, suffers from the vitiligo skin condition, says she want her paternity to be confirmed so she can "formally claim my part of my father's inheritance". She also wants custody of her possible half-siblings Prince Michael, Paris and Blanket, claiming she could give the three children a more "normal" upbringing. They are currently cared for by their grandmother.

Neither the Jackson family nor Diana Ross's people have responded to Mocienne Petit Jackson's claims.

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SUNDE BANNED FROM OPERATING PIRATE BAY
Peter Sunde has been banned from 'operating' The Pirate Bay by a Swedish court, a strange move as he stood down from his position as the site's spokesman last year in order to focus on other projects, in particular micropayment system Flattr.

As one of the 'Pirate Bay Four', Sunde, along with site founders Gottfrid Svartholm Warg and Fredrik Neij and chief funder Carl Lundstrom, was last year sentenced to a year in prison and a fine of £2.4 million after being found guilty of various copyright crimes in relation to his involvement with the rogue BitTorrent site. Though none of the men have served any jail time or paid any of the damages as yet. An appeal hearing is due to take place in September.

The new separate ruling ordering Sunde not to work on The Pirate Bay follows a similar court decision relating to Svartholm and Neij made in May, which banned them from working on the file-sharing service also. All three men face fines of just under £45,000 if they fail to comply.

Speaking to TorrentFreak, Sunde said that he was surprised by the ruling, adding: "The interesting thing with the ruling is that the Swedish Court feels that they can judge me even though I do not live in Sweden and neither is the [Pirate Bay] system [operating there]".

Sunde's claim that The Pirate Bay is no longer hosted in Sweden goes against those made by the Swedish Pirate Party earlier this year, which said it was hosting the site on its own servers in an old Cold War bunker underneath Stockholm. Though the site has been forced to move several times in recent months, so it's possible that the site has been transferred to another country again, or that Sunde is as confused about where it is now as everyone else.

Although this new ruling will seemingly have little effect on Sunde, he nonetheless told TorrentFreak that he has already appealed the decision. However, any court case relating to that will most likely take place after the Pirate Bay Four's aforementioned appeal hearing to the criminal charges, the outcome of which could affect this new ban in various ways.

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CONVICTED MUSIC PIRATE ORDERED TO PAY UP
A judge at east London's fashionable Snaresbrook Crown Court has ordered a convicted music pirate to pay record label trade body the BPI £170,000.

Farrah Nissa was jailed for copyright crimes in 2008 for his role in running a counterfeit CD operation which sold an estimated 1.2 million bootleg discs, mainly containing funky urban beats. The conviction was achieved through the collaborative efforts of global trade body IFPI and the aforementioned BPI, and once achieved they started working with the Regional Assets Recovery Team to get their hands on the money Nissa made through his illegal operation, employing a thing called the Proceeds Of Crime Act 2002.

The challenge was working out and proving just how much Nissa had made from his piracy venture. RART and BPI presented the results of their work to the East London court this week and, based on their findings, the marvellously named Judge Inigo Geoffrey Bing ordered Nissa to hand over £170,000 (well, actually, much of the cash will come out of the assets of Nissa seized by the authorities after the original conviction).

In a statement, BPI anti-piracy chief David Wood told reporters: "This was a complex and lengthy enquiry into an organised criminal gang who had tried to hide behind a shield of respectability".

Meanwhile IFPI piracy man Jeremy Banks said: "Today's ruling shows that when it comes to music piracy crime really does not pay. We have always pursued a strategy of disrupting the manufacture and supply of counterfeit CDs, now in the UK we are able to take the profit out of the process as well".

Nissa's partner in crime had already been ordered to pay £70,000 following similar proceedings last year. The money will be shared out between the BPI's members.

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DMX BACK IN PRISON
DMX, real name Earl Simmons, has been out of prison for just over two weeks, in which time his wife has left him (and launched an entire reality show based around that fact) and a 2002 driving conviction has caught up with him, the latter of which has landed him back in jail.

As previously reported, the rapper was released from prison at the beginning of the month after serving four months for parole violation after failing a drugs test. According to LA city officials and DMX's lawyer, he then handed himself in to authorities on Monday afternoon to face sentencing over another parole violation, this time in relation to a reckless driving conviction from 2002. The judge ruled that DMX was unsuitable for either electronic monitoring, work release or home detention and sentenced him to 90 days in jail.

The rapper's lawyer Aja M Southern told AllHipHop.com: "Mr Simmons is here today to fully cooperate with respect to any matters of the court's concern. This is one of many steps towards rebuilding his image and rapport with the community and his loyal fans".

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WYCLEF JEAN CONSIDERS HAITIAN PRESIDENCY
Wyclef Jean is apparently considering running to be president of Haiti, as the country continues to rebuild after it was devastated by an earthquake earlier this year.

The Haiti-born R&B star was appointed "ambassador-at-large" for the country by outgoing president Rene Preval in 2007, and has led various charitable initiatives to help disadvantaged youth in the country. Though, in the wake of the earthquake, which hit the country in January, Jean was accused of irregularities in the accounting of his own Haiti-supporting charity, the Yele Haiti Foundation, and later admitted that it had been "poorly run".

Despite various reports Jean is considering moving properly into politics, his people remain tight lipped on the issue, saying in a statement yesterday: "Wyclef's commitment to his homeland and its youth is boundless, and he will remain its greatest supporter regardless of whether he is part of the government moving forward. At this time, Wyclef Jean has not announced his intent to run for Haitian president. If and when a decision is made, media will be alerted immediately".

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Q AWARDS ANNOUNCED
Q magazine have announced that this year's Q Awards will take place on 25 Oct and will be hosted by Al Murray once again, just in case you missed any of his eleven gags last year.

There will be three new gongs dished out this time around, including the public voted Best Female Artist and Best Male Artist, and a judging panel-selected Next Big Thing award. A pool of vodka and a small tower of credit cards will also be on show, while there'll be some fund raising going on for an interesting charity called YouYou which provides career support for young people from disadvantaged backgrounds.

Q Editor-In-Chief Paul Rees says this: "Q firmly believes that music now is as exciting and vital as it's ever been and that it continues to be consistently refreshed by new talent. The extra awards this year recognise Q's ongoing commitment to the best things in music right now and in the future. In addition, Q has also always been about celebrating music's great success stories. And, as ever, our collection of merit awards will recognise the heroic achievements and ongoing influence of music's true icons".

Voting for the reader voted categories is already underway. You can vote here:
awards.qthemusic.com

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LOVE DENIES ANY FIRM PLANS FOR FULL BEACH BOYS REUNION
I have a feeling there'll be a lot of to-ing and fro-ing on this story. Beach Boy Mike Love has denied there are any firm plans for a full Beach Boys reunion - including three founder members Love, Al Jardine and Brian Wilson - to mark the band's 50th anniversary next year.

As previously reported, US entertainment journalist Robin Leech claimed last month that Love had told him such a show was in the pipeline, but then Love himself issued a statement denying there were any plans for Brian Wilson to join him on a Beach Boys tour. Then last week Jardine himself said that at least one big anniversary show, involving him and Wilson, was in the pipeline, and that he was pushing for a full tour.

But while Love, who has continued to tour as The Beach Boys throughout his life, has not ruled out working with Jardine and Wilson again, he insists nothing has been planned as yet. He told Reuters: "There have been a lot of ideas floated, but nothing decided. So far it's just conversation. There are no big plans yet - although there's a lot of interest from a lot of people to see what would happen if we got together and did some new music and maybe did some shows. But so far nothing's firm".

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THE CARS TO REUNITE?
Rumours that all the surviving members of The Cars are planning to reform have been doing the rounds after a picture of them playing together in a studio was posted to their Facebook page two weeks ago.

The photograph shows guitarist and vocalist Ric Ocasek, lead guitarist Elliot Easton, keyboard player Greg Hawkes and drummer David Robinson (who retired from music after the band's split in 1988 and opened a restaurant) with bassist Greg Hawkes standing in for Benjamin Orr, who died from pancreatic cancer in 2000.

Asked if rumours of a reunion were true last week, Hawkes told the Boston Globe: "I hate to be vague, but I really can't say. It's a crazy world".

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UNRELEASED LAURYN HILL SONG APPEARS ONLINE
A previously unreleased song by Lauryn Hill, thought to be an outtake from her 1998 solo album 'The Miseducation Of Lauryn Hill' and called 'Repercussions', has appeared on YouTube.

As previously reported, Hill said last month that she felt ready to launch a comeback, after a decade largely spent out of the spotlight as she brought up her five children and grappled with personal issues.

Listen to the new track here: youtu.be/aMYd1Ums4HE

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PROFESSOR GREEN HEADLINES NEW ACADEMY VENUE
Professor Green will become the first artist to headline the brand new and previously reported O2 Academy Leicester, formerly the University of Leicester's students' union (and housed within the grounds of the University), on 23 Sep.

Announcing the news, Prof Green said: "It is a real honour to be asked to perform at the opening of O2 Academy Leicester. No doubt it will have the great energy and vibe that all O2 Academy venues have and I look forward to being the first headline act to grace the stage".

In addition to the main 1450 capacity venue, the university's Percy Gee building is currently undergoing a £15 million redevelopment and will also house two more gig venues - the 500 capacity Academy 2 and 250 capacity Academy 3. All three venues will operate independently of each other.

Tickets for the opening night go on sale on Friday.

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PENDULUM ANNOUNCE DECEMBER UK ARENA TOUR
Pendulum have announced a tour of UK arenas to take place this December, their biggest tour to date. Support will come from Hadouken! Tickets go on sale on Friday.

Tour dates:

1 Dec: Glasgow, Braehead Arena
2 Dec: Birmingham, NIA
3 Dec: London, Wembley Arena
4 Dec: Nottingham, Trent FM Arena
7 Dec: Bournemouth, BIC
8 Dec: Manchester, Central
9 Dec: Newcastle, Metro Radio Arena
10 Dec: Aberdeen, AECC

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DIMMU BORGIR ANNOUNCE ONE-OFF LONDON SHOW
Norwegian black metallers Dimmu Borgir have announced that they will play a one-off show at The Forum in London on 21 Sep. Tickets are on sale now.

The band's new album, 'Abrahadabra', is due for release via Nuclear Blast on 27 Sep.

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FESTIVAL LINE-UP UPDATE

THE BIG CHILL, Eastnor Castle, Herefordshire, 5-8 Aug: We Were Promised Jetpacks, Fiction, Goldhawks and The Boy Who Trapped The Sun have all been confirmed to play Sailor Jerry's Ink City at next week's Big Chill. www.bigchill.net

FREEZE FESTIVAL, Battersea Power Station, London, 29-31 Oct: Hadouken! and Roni Size head up the first acts announced to play at this year's Freeze Festival, along with MC Jakes, Krafty Kuts, MC Dynamite, Jaguar Skills, Scratch Perverts, Bedouin Soundclash and Skindred. www.thefreezefestival.com

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LIVE REVIEW: Soil & "Pimp" Sessions at The Jazz Café in London on 22 Jul
Camden Town venue The Jazz Café was heaving as the Tokyo-based jazz sextet Soil & "Pimp" Sessions took to the stage after the ubiquitous Brownswood Records boss / Radio 1 tastemaker Gilles Peterson popped up again to introduce them as "one of the most exciting bands in the world today".

Frontman Shacho took centre stage, though his brass playing colleagues shone most in the opening numbers. On sax, Motoharu rang out, powerful, inventive and chock full of energy, on 'Hollow', while on 'Papa's Got A Brand New Pigbag', a cover from the outfit's latest album '6', trumpet from Tabu Zombie sucked the audience right in. This version was spot on, with the crowd were really rocking to this ska-influenced cut.

But Shacho was on good form also, not least during 'Quartz And Chronometer', my personal favourite from '6', which was performed with much vigour and aided by the suited frontman getting the audience to repeatedly punch the air together with him.

Again, as at their last gig at The Garage, at one point the three more mobile members of the band left the stage, leaving just double bass, drums and piano, for a downtempo segment during which we got a bit of 'Sahara Mint' and the brilliant 'Fantastic Planet', from previous album 'Planet Pimp', where Josei made his mark on keys with a furious frenzy of a solo.

The return of the full band to the stage was marked with some furious sax blowing from Motoharu before the main set closer 'Satsurika New Wave', where the band gave it their all - Shacho using his white loudhailer to get the crowd to shout "soil" and "pimp" in unison, a bit of audience participation duly lapped up with all Café-goers joining in chanting.

And then the obligatory walk off up the stairs, plenty of appreciation from the crowd, and the encore - an extended rendition of 'Summer Goddess', resulting in both of the blowers looking exhausted by the end.

Soil & "Pimp" Sessions truly know how to deliver the goods. Gilles, on this occasion I must agree, definitely one of the most exciting bands in the world today. Highly recommended. PV

Buy from iTunes
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JAIL-BREAKING IPHONES IS NOT COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT
The US Copyright Office has deemed that 'jail-breaking' an iPhone does not infringe Apple's copyright. So that's nice. The Office, part of the Library Of Congress, made the ruling in one of its regular reviews of the Digital Millennium Copyright Act after taking evidence from both Apple and the Electronic Frontier Foundation.

For all their fluffiness, Apple are the biggest control freaks of the IT industry, and with their smartphone that control freakishness reached new heights, with anyone making an app for use on the iPhone needing the IT giant's approval before it can be made available to owners of the device. Apple would argue they act this way to ensure a good user experience, and to safeguard the security of the phone users' personal data. But some critics say there are commercial motives as well.

But, of course, it is possible to hack an iPhone so that apps not approved by Apple can be used (or so the phone will work with mobile networks other than those approved by Apple). The hacking process in this case often being referred to as 'jail-breaking'. The IT giant told the Library Of Congress it considered such hacking to be a sort of copyright infringement, but the Congressional office did not concur.

For everyday iPhone users the ruling will make little difference. Apple stress that jail-breaking may cause the phone to actually break, and that it usually invalidates any warranty, so there are still risks to going the hack route. And anyway, Apple were unlikely to actually sue any phone owners who chose to jail-break.

But the clarification from the Copyright Office does mean that those companies providing unapproved apps for use on hacked iPhones, and those companies who help with the jail-break process, can operate safe in the knowledge they won't be sued by Apple for encouraging others to infringe (which they might have been had jail-breaking been classified as infringement).

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TERRY GILLIAM TO DIRECT ARCADE FIRE WEBCAST
Former Monty Python star turned movie director Terry Gilliam will direct an upcoming Arcade Fire webcast, according to Associated Press.

The first in a series of live webcasts on Vevo and YouTube sponsored by American Express, called 'Unstaged', it will see the band playing live at New York City's Madison Square Garden on 3am UK time on 6 Aug (10pm EDT on 5 Aug in the States).

The show will be online at www.youtube.com/arcadefirevevo

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BON JOVI DENY PHOTO SHAME
A rep for Jon Bon Jovi has denied that the rock star was "terrified" that photos of him cavorting with nude women taken in the mid-eighties would make it into the public domain. The photographs, taken by rock snapper Ross Marino during Bon Jovi's 1985 US tour, were originally intended as publicity shots, but later deemed to be too raunchy.

The pictures have now seen the light of day 25 years later as former Bon Jovi tour manager Rich Bozzett has published them in a new memoir of his experiences with the band, called 'Sex, Drugs And Bon Jovi'.

Bozzett claims that he stole the negatives and kept them locked up in a safety deposit box, while the musician panicked that someone might see them. In the book he writes that, when it was realised that the pictures were missing "a panic-stricken Jon Bon Jovi immediately called up Doc [McGhee, the band's then manager] to tell him that we needed to track down the pictures as soon as possible".

Asked about Bozzett's claims, a spokesperson pointed out that the former roadie might just be trying to make his book seem more interesting than it actually is, and that to suggest that a young rock star would be embarrassed by such pictures (particularly in the 80s) was just silly. They said: "This is an outtake of a photo shoot. Everyone should be so lucky at 22 years old. Rich is remembered as a nice-enough guy who was eventually in over his head as the band's success grew. As far as his attempt to cash in on alleged experiences he had 25 years ago? No comment".

You can see the photos here: photos.tmz.com/galleries/bon_jovi#tab=most_recent&id=74765

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SIMON COWELL PINING FOR CHERYL, SAY JEDWARD
Simon Cowell will never marry his fiancée Mezhgan Hussainy because he's hoping that he can bag Cheryl Cole instead, now that she's back on the market. So say John and Edward Grimes, aka Jedward, anyway. And why would they lie?

Apparently speaking in unison, the pair said: "Simon Cowell isn't getting married any more because Cheryl Cole is back on the scene. Cheryl Cole is ready to mingle with Simon Cowell".

I don't even know what that means. Mingle?

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