And Finally Beef Of The Week

CMU Beef Of The Week #37: Calvin Harris v Chris Brown

By | Published on Saturday 2 October 2010

Every once in a while you get a sudden reminder of how relationships between us normal folk and celebrities have changed in the internet age.

It used to be that if you had a gripe with someone in the public eye, you’d have to shout at their car as they drove past or write a stern letter to whatever magazine you got your famous person fix from. But now, of course, all you need is a Twitter account and a certain level of unhinged rage and you can insult the object of your distaste direct. As Calvin Harris found out this week.

It all started with one sentence and a link. “Choked on my cornflakes when I heard the new Chris Brown single this morning”, tweeted Calvin, along with a link to the track on YouTube. Within minutes he was being subjected to a constant barrage of insults from Brown’s fans. Though as most seemed to be claiming not to know who Harris was, it seems unlikely that they actually knew why he was irked in the first place. “Shit, I only went online to renew my tax disc”, noted Harris when faced with a barrage of teenage rant.

Chris Brown fans may be happy to throw insults at someone based solely on a feeling that the someone in question might have said something negative about their favourite singer, but to everyone else it was pretty clear what had caused Harris to swallow his cereal the wrong way. The new Chris Brown track, ‘Yeah 3x’, contains a synth line almost identical to his number one single ‘I’m Not Alone’. Well, I say ‘almost identical’, it sounds like someone was aiming for Calvin’s synth line, but didn’t know what the chords were, tried to play it anyway and got it wrong. As a result, the track just sounds weird.

Still, how long could Brown’s fans keep this barrage up? Cut to the next day: “Can all these Chris Brown stans stop it now please? You are all unbelievably offensive and ignorant beyond belief”, tweeted Calvin. “Literally getting threatened by fourteen year old girls right now! Racist, xenophobic and misguided. I’m sure Chris is very proud of you all”.

That should stop them. What, no? After four full days of non-stop insults (Brown’s fans are persistent, if nothing else), Harris fired up his computer once more to issue a statement: “Chris Brown fans: I don’t care that you call me a ‘nobody’ – stealing is still stealing, doesn’t matter who you are! Because Chris Brown is an international celebrity doesnt make it OK to rip off a guy from UK not many people have heard of. How are you going to call me irrelevant when his brand new song sounds just like my two year old song?!”

He continued: “And those saying I’m doing this for publicity, that’s fucking laughable – what I have I got coming out? Fuck all! Don’t want or need it. This is my twitter, i’ll talk about whatever is going on in my life! Thats what its for! Believe it or not i’m not trying to be known by you. [So] why not put it on Twitter? Way more entertaining than doing it behind closed doors. Unprofessional? I’m not a professional!”

Answering suggestions from his own fans that the matter should go legal, he said: “Of course I’m not going to take it to court! What good would that do?! Happy for people to make their own mind up”.

So, here you go:

Calvin Harris – I’m Not Alone:
Chris Brown – Yeah 3x:

This Beef Of The Week comes from this edition of the CMU Weekly. Subscribe to the CMU Weekly here.