And Finally Artist News

Robbie Williams doesn’t even have a bloody phone

By | Published on Wednesday 13 November 2019

Robbie WIlliams

I’ll tell you what, I’ve been texting Robbie Williams to pick up this fucking mattress for thirteen years now. Thirteen fucking years! Text, text, text, “Robbie, mate. When are you gonna pick up this mattress? It’s in the way, mate”. Thirteen years. Turns out the cunt doesn’t even have a phone.

“I haven’t owned a phone since 2006”, he says on the latest episode of Amazon’s football show ‘Back Of The Net’. “I just don’t like them”, he says. He doesn’t like me bugging him about a mattress, more like. Robbie, come and get this bloody mattress. It’s in the bloody way. I’ve had to move house with it twice. I want it gone.

I’ve tried DMing him on Twitter. Now I know why that’s been a non-starter too. “[I have] tonnes of social media, but thankfully I don’t have my password to anything or else my career would be over within 24 hours”, he says. Yeah, or you’d be reminded about the mattress you said would be there for a week nearly a decade and a half ago.

I want it gone, Robbie. My wife says we should just chuck it, but it’s a perfectly good mattress. You know me, I don’t like to waste stuff. This is taking the piss though. If you’re reading this, I’d really like you to come and get it today. Call me.