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The BRIT Awards happened and tradition dictates that we tell you

By Chris Cooke | Published on Wednesday 19 February 2020

So, it was the BRIT Awards last night. There were Brits. There were awards. There were non-Brits too. Not sure why, I thought we’d “taken back control”. But, don’t worry, all the non-Brits taking home awards came from the land of the Don. Which is to say, they were American. And – I think we can all agree – Americans are the least foreign of all the foreigners. Phew!

Though for the proud Brexiters in the room (anyone?), there was still probably far too much cultural and musical diversity on the stage, with Stormzy and Dave delivering the stand-out performances. The racists, for certain, would have been unhappy. Though at least the misogynists could take heart in the general lack of women in the non-gender specific award categories. And a posh white boy told the jokes. And an old white man closed the show. And the whole thing occurred in a big white tent. That’s diversity, people!

But what about the awards? Well, in between the performances and the politics some awards were definitely handed out. I assume. I wasn’t there. I was 1500 miles away wondering why my hotel bathroom has eleven separate lights. I deal with the real issues, see.

And while I did survey all the BRIT-esque social chatter, it was all about Stormzy and Dave delivering their stand-out performances, and the latter calling ‘Boris’ Johnson’ a racist. Don’t worry Alexander – remember the posh boy, the old man and the big white tent. But whatever, there were definitely some winners and here they all are stacked up in a list. You’re welcome.

Female Solo Artist: Mabel
Male Solo Artist: Stormzy
International Female Solo Artist: Billie Eilish
International Male Solo Artist: Tyler The Creator
Group Of The Year: Foals
Best New Artist: Lewis Capaldi
Rising Star: Celeste
Song Of The Year: Lewis Capaldi – Someone You Loved
Album Of The Year: Dave – Psychodrama