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CMU Beef Of The Week #306: Avril Lavigne v E! Online

By | Published on Friday 20 May 2016


US research firm Public Policy Polling recently published some entirely legitimate research showing that Nickelback are no longer the thing that most people hate out of all the things in the world. A survey showed that people now think slightly more of the band than they do Donald Trump.

In fact this research, which is entirely legitimate research, as I said before, found that the only thing people like less than Trump are haemorrhoids and cockroaches. Hipsters, used car salesmen, traffic jams and root canal surgery are all more positively thought of than Donald Trump. And also, to begin to bring this back around to the point, Nickelback. Also, lice. Lice came out way better than either.

Because this research was entirely legitimate, many news outlets reported on it with glee. But instead of focussing on how unpopular popular presidential candidate Donald Trump is, they wrote about Nickelback and how everyone would rather do jury duty than listen to them.

Picking on an E! Online article published under the headline “Justice for Nickelback: Poll Reveals People Actually Dislike One Thing More Than the Rock Band”, frontman Chad Kroeger’s estranged wife Avril Lavigne weighed in on Twitter.

“Hey E! Online and everyone writing these articles… grow up”, she wrote. “This is extremely rude and uncalled for”.

I’m not sure why she was so angry at news organisations reporting on SCIENCE. But apparently she was. And she quickly came back with some legitimate research of her own.

“Nickelback is one of the of the highest selling rock bands of the past two decades selling more than 50 million albums worldwide”, she insisted. “SEVENTEEN NUMBER ONE HIT SINGLES! What an epic accomplishment! Nickelback is adored by millions worldwide! I’ve seen their sold out shows!”

“I’ve seen their sold out shows” does sound a bit like the classic playground lie “You can ask my mum”. But it’s true, Nickelback have managed to get a lot of people to part with money. And when all those people would actually rather be receiving root canal surgery from a hipster used car salesman covered in lice, that is quite an accomplishment.

“Enough is enough”, she concluded. “You can’t live a positive life with a negative mind”.

She failed to back that statement up with any legitimate research though, so I’m not sure it can be proven. The one thing we do know is that if Nickelback were running to be US president right now, everyone would be very slightly happier. Fact.