Oh God. ‘I Hate Myself and Want to Die’ That’s not how I feel right now, it’s the name of a very cheerful sounding book, authored by Tom Reynolds, and listing the 52 most miserable songs in history. Reynolds told The Independent: "A depressing song is one that ruins your day when it comes on the radio. A lot of them are really mind blowing. I had to adopt an emotional distancing that homicide detectives have when they investigate a crime scene. After you've listened to 50 different versions of 'Send in the Clowns' you just want to put a gun in your mouth."
The misery inducing tracks are sorted into different sections, which include ‘Horrifying Remakes of Already Depressing Songs’, ‘I'm Telling a Story Nobody Wants to Hear’, ‘I Had No Idea That Song Was So Morbid’ and ‘I Mope, Therefore I Am’. The book also has an overall top ten, headed by an the obscure Newsong with ‘The Christmas Shoes’, a 2000 chart topper in the US. Surprisingly, The Smiths didn’t make the top ten. Surprisingly, ‘Total Eclipse Of The Heart’ did. I mean, the lyrics may be a little dodgy, but it’s a pretty perky tune. Anyway, here’s the full top ten:
'The Christmas Shoes' by Newsong
'The Shortest Story' by Harry Chapin
'Honey' by Bobby Goldsboro
'Total Eclipse of the Heart' by Bonnie Tyler
'Seasons in the Sun' by Terry Jacks
'DOA' by Bloodrock
'Strange Fruit' by Billie Holiday
'Hurt' by Nine Inch Nails
'Sister Morphine' by Marianne Faithfull
'People Who Died' by the Jim Carroll Band
I’m off now to the CMU kitchen to hide anything sharp.