OK, let's get to the important story first. This just in. Madonna not arrested shocker. If you, like me, haven't been able to sleep because of the worry Madonna might be prosecuted in Germany over her crucifix routine (actually, I haven't slept because we had an Edinburgh Festival newspaper to get to press, but that's another story), well, worry no more.
Officials in Germany who originally said that Madonna's shows there could be illegal because of rules against being "hurtful to religions", have now said that, while Christian groups may have been "hurt" by the image of Madonna cavorting on a cross, the singer is protected by other laws that "protect artistic freedom".
A spokesman for the city of Dusseldorf, who said they would be monitoring Madonna's concert there last weekend, told reporters yesterday: "We are not going to open an inquiry against Madonna. The show was extremely provocative but not punishable."