X-Factor chart update anyone? What, you're not interested? You couldn't give a fuck whether it is X-Factor finalist Ray Quinn or X-Factor finalist Ben Mills who charts higher this Sunday, and frankly you wish both would just go straight to the call centre jobs for which you think they are ultimately destined, and stop bothering us with their mediocre pop nonsense? Wow, you're a bit tetchy this morning, aren't you?
Anyway, looks like Ray Quinn will chart the highest on Sunday, he having one of those swing tune cover albums that it's always clever to release in the run up to Mothers' Day. Midweeks suggest he's outselling rival X-Factor type Ben Mills, but Woolies music buyer Keith Black (hey, hang on there, where's HMV's chart meister Gennaro Castaldo?) says both talent show stars are selling well: "Ray has raced ahead and looks a cert to be number one on Sunday. Judging by our sales figures he can expect to sell over 150,000 albums this week - a big success for the young star. Ben's album is also selling really well, just not as fast as Ray's. His individual style has captured the public's imagination and he can expect a really high chart debut on Sunday. The rate of sales for both albums further proves the power of the X Factor to sell a significant number of records".
Which is all well and good, but can we trust Mr Black? I mean, he might buy music for one of the UK's biggest music sellers, but he's no Castaldo. Oh, wait, here's a quote from him too. Phew, that was close. Go for it Gennaro: "This is shaping up to be a close chart battle between the cute lad that women would like to mother and the sensitive hunk they would like to seduce. Ray has to start as favourite given that he went further on X Factor, and we're certainly finding that our stores and hmv.co.uk website are picking up a lot of interest for him".
Oh, and to all you cynics suggesting that poor old Ray and Ben are ultimately headed for careers in call centres, can I just point out that Ben Mills can always return to his stable career in marquee management, and surely former Brookside actor Ray can be assured a bit part in Hollyoaks if he falls on hard times? They could bring him in to bump someone off again.