2023's strangest, funniest and most ridiculous music business stories

Each day in our email newsletter CMU Daily we round off our news summary with 'And Finally' – a funny, ridiculous or (if we’re in the mood) poignant story. As 2023 comes to an end, we thought we’d look back at some of our favourite stories from the last year.

Drake to open unrideable art theme park

What do you get the man who has everything? Well, Drake has bought himself his own theme park. And he plans to open it to the public early next year. The twist? You won’t be able to get on any of the rides because they’re too dangerous.

The park, known as Luna Luna, was originally put together by Austrian artist André Heller and displayed in Hamburg, Germany in 1987. The unusual fairground featured rides designed by artists including Salvador Dali, Keith Haring and Jean-Michel Basquiat.

After closing in Hamburg, it was scheduled to be shown in San Diego, but the plans were cancelled and the entire thing ended up in storage in Texas until Drake and his company stepped in 25 years later.

The plan now is to set the whole thing up as it was originally intended and open it to the public once more. However, organisers have said, it won’t be possible to have a go on any of the rides, because they don’t meet modern safety standards. Although, it was also noted that they probably didn’t in the 1980s either.

Snoop Dogg is “fucking scared” of horses

Now, from not riding rides to not riding animals. Yeah, that is what I’m writing for the first segue in this article. Deal with it. Snoop Dogg is an animal lover. Just look at his name! And in his second career as an actor, you will have seen him appear in scenes with all sorts of creatures. Never a horse though.

“I am scared of horses”, Snoop admitted in an episode of his Double G News YouTube show earlier this year. “I don’t know why, I’m just fucking scared of them. I’m so serious. You ain’t never seen me in a scene with a horse”.

“I done been in a scene with ostriches, iguanas, all kinds of shit”, he went on, but he “ain’t never been in a scene with a horse. Nah, get that motherfucker away from me. I don’t know why”.

Could this be set to change though? The rapper said that he understood that many people actually like - even love - horses. And so he would be willing to try to get over his fear of the animals.

“Maybe one day somebody could introduce me to a baby horse”, he said. “A little jackass or something, so I can learn how to be around you motherfuckers”.

Who knows, maybe 2024 will be the year we finally see Snoop Dogg near - or even on - a horse.

Andre 3000 recalls the time he “actually turned into a panther”

Snoop Dogg may not be keen on horses, but this year Andre 3000 revealed a love of panthers. Or at least being a panther. Like actually being one. Transforming into one, no less.

There was much excitement last month the former Outkast rapper released his first proper solo album, ‘New Blue Sun’. Although it was not quite what anyone was expecting. Deeming himself to be too old to rap now, he instead put out a collection of lengthy flute-based instrumentals.

Not that his unique way with words didn’t make it onto the record. Fans just had to make do with those words only featuring in the song titles. Titles such as ‘I Swear, I Really Wanted To Make A ‘Rap’ Album But This Is Literally The Way The Wind Blew Me This Time’.

But the one that really stood out was ‘That Night In Hawaii When I Turned Into A Panther And Started Making These Low Register Purring Tones That I Couldn't Control… Sh¥t Was Wild’.

Expanding on this in an interview with NPR, he explained that it was a piece of music based on the time he literally turned into a panther. That actually happened. Also: drugs.

“I was actually in Hawaii and it was my second night of the first time I'd ever taken ayahuasca”, he said. “My stomach was hurting, my mouth contorted like a panther and I actually turned into a panther. And I was doing like ‘GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR’ - like, that kind of thing”.

“I actually turned into a panther”, he repeated. “I started as a panther and then [the drug] would make me do these long kind of tones and started changing the notes. So, on the album I'm mimicking [that]. That's what I'm talking about in that title”.

Fall Out Boy release vinyl records filled with their own tears

Also putting out new music this year, Fall Out Boy released their latest album ‘So Much (For) Stardust’ in March. And that was fine. But were those initial listens on streaming services lacking a certain je ne sais quoi? Perhaps, yes. So a couple of months later the band put out a limited edition vinyl version. An effort to improve sound quality? No, the LPs were filled with the band’s tears “for maximum emotional fidelity”.

“Music is more than just soundwaves”, noted a website set up for Crynyl - the fictional company behind the release. “It’s passion, struggle and emotion. That’s why we developed a new kind of record: one that contains the artists’ actual tears. When you listen to a Crynyl release, you’re not just listening to what the artist played, you’re feeling what they felt”.

If that’s true, then I don’t know what it says about the limited edition vinyl pressing of Australian punk band Private Function’s latest album, ‘370HSSV 0773H’. Rather than filling them with their own tears, they proudly proclaimed that theirs was the “world’s first piss-filled record”

What might seem like a fairly basic idea, actually turned out to be quite complicated to pull off, explained the band’s Chris Penney.

“We’ve done a bunch of experimenting here, because it turns out you can’t just put piss into liquid discs, for many reasons”, he said. “We needed to find an anti-bacterial solution to kill the piss, otherwise it expands and could break open the records. I do love the idea of the record breaking open and covering your shelves with piss, so I hope that happens at least once. We also needed an acidity regulator, which we found, but it took a while”.

So, 2023 was the year of putting bodily fluids into records. Where will the idea head next in 2024? Nowhere, stop thinking about it. Do not take this to any of its logical conclusions.

Can Self Esteem drive a bus?

It’s been a big year for Rebecca Lucy Taylor, as the former Slow Club member’s Self Esteem solo project goes from strength to strength. She also took over the role of Sally Boles in the West End production of ‘Cabaret’, co-starring alongside Scissor Sisters’ Jake Shears. All great stuff, but the big thing we all really wanted to know about was whether or not she could drive a double decker bus.

Thankfully, in May we finally got an answer. Sheffield bus company First Bus decided to promote itself with a series of YouTube videos getting local musicians behind the wheel. Sadly, the series stalled at just three (Jon McClure and Richard Hawley being the others convinced to join in) and it never ever topped the delight of Taylor’s effort.

Inspecting the vehicle adorned with the artwork of her latest album ‘Prioritise Pleasure’, she asked, “Who needs a Mercury Prize when you’ve got a fucking bus?”

A Mercury Prize she may not have. She also does not have a driver's licence. Under the strict supervision of First Bus staff and away from public roads, she did manage to gleefully drive the bus. And also crash it. But let’s just focus on the driving.

“I loved driving the bus today”, she said, debriefing afterwards. “It’s a real personal victory actually. I’m proud of myself, and I found it quite worryingly exciting”.

Pink says SpongeBob Squarepants song about scurvy is her biggest musical regret

Now, Rebecca Lucy Taylor is rightly proud to have driven a bus around for a little while. But we’ve all done things we’re not proud of, haven’t we? Said something nasty behind someone’s back. Pretended not to see a close friend on the other side of the street because you couldn’t be bothered to talk to them. Released a song about scurvy at the height of your fame.

OK, I don’t know how relatable any of those things are. I’ve certainly never done any of them. And the last one probably only applies to Pink who - amazingly - did actually do that.

‘We've Got Scurvy’ was recorded for a 2008 episode of ‘SpongeBob Squarepants’. It also appeared as a bonus track on 2009 compilation ‘SpongeBob’s Greatest Hits’.

Asked this year what her biggest musical regret was but the LA Times, she at first picked a “mean” song she wrote about her husband Corey Hart. But then she had a rethink, saying: “Oh wait, I did put out that SpongeBob thing. ‘We’ve Got Scurvy’? I wish I never did that. That was a real mistake”.

A mistake? It’s a classic! Maybe some of her best work. And I think we should all thank her for drawing our attention to it once again.

Barbra's Siri showdown: "There's no Z in Streisand"

Pink’s efforts to distance herself from SpongeBob Squarepants could be seen as an instance of the ‘Streisand Effect’ - where an effort to suppress something ultimately ends up in it being seen by far more people than if you’d just not mentioned it.

But this year we got a brand new Streisand effect - the shaping of technology through celebrity complaints.

It all began when she heard her name uttered by Apple’s smart assistant Siri, which pronounced it as ‘StreiZand’.

“My name isn’t with a Z”, she told the BBC. “It’s ‘StreiSAND’, like sand on the beach. How simple can you get? How simple can you get? Sand on the beach. Streisand”.

Simple. No big deal though. So a robot voice says your name wrong, no biggie. Unless you decide it is, of course. And StreiSANDlikesandonthebeach did.

“See, I like solving problems”, she said. “I figured I’d better call Apple. I mean, the head of Apple, Tim Cook. And he had Siri change the pronunciation of my name to be correct. That’s one perk of fame!”

What a perk! Almost makes you want to try being famous yourself, doesn’t it?

Pixies apologise for turning off alarms

It’s not just Apple’s voice assistant that made the news for getting things wrong this year. Google Assistant was also caught causing people (at least one person, anyway) to oversleep. Although only because those pesky Pixies were turning off their alarms.

The issue came after an update to Google Assistant, which made the smart assistant listen out for people saying “stop” when an alarm sounded. Good if you want to turn off your alarm without blindly slapping your hand around your bedside table, knocking everything off in the process. Bad if you like to wake up to Pixies classic ‘Where Is My Mind?’

Such a person posted on Reddit in May, explaining that a number of times in the preceding weeks their alarm had seemingly not gone off, causing them to oversleep. Initially unable to diagnose the problem, they eventually found the answer.

“The alarm is set to play a Spotify playlist and one of the songs on that playlist is ‘Where Is My Mind?’ by the Pixies”, they wrote. “The first line in the song is ‘Ooohhh STOP’, with the word ‘stop’ said very clearly. My [device] has been hearing that ‘stop’ and turning the alarm off. Since it’s a playlist on shuffle, it only comes up every once in a while, so it’s not happening every morning”.

While not the only song ever recorded that includes the word “stop”, the issue seemed fairly specific to ‘Where Is My Mind?’ While other songs containing the word had no effect, the Pixies song worked every time, seemingly because the word was spoken and had no musical backing at the point it was uttered.

Noting the problem, the band said on Twitter: “Sorry about that!”

New Zealand city calls for end to Celine Dion ‘siren battles’

Pixies might have been stopping people from waking up, but Celine Dion was keeping the residents of a town in New Zealand awake.

This was the story that residents of Porirua in New Zealand had reached the end of their tether with ‘siren battles’ that had been going on nearby.

Over the last 20 years, this sub culture has grown in the country. It sees devotees attach multiple emergency sirens to their cars, and then compete to see who can create the loudest and clearest sound.

Music played is often interspersed with actual siren sounds too, just to make it extra fun. When music is being blasted, various songs and genres are used. However, bizarrely, Celine Dion’s ‘My Heart Will Go On’ and ‘The Power Of Love’ are apparently particular favourites.

Regularly finding themselves in honking distance of one of these events, residents Porirua have had quite enough of it now, thank you. In October they launched a petition, calling on the mayor to do something, having had to listen to 40 battles this year alone.

“Although I enjoy Celine Dion in the comfort of my lounge and at my volume”, said one resident, “I do not enjoy hearing fragments of it stopping and starting at any time between 7pm and 2am”.